My Pursuit of Happyness

From many I heard saying happiness is based on circumstances but joy is an attitude. It is really hard for me to visualize this concept. My imagination led me to some SM fetishes where the sufferings are rejoicing in whiplashes and bondage. That aside, how much can real happiness (幸福) cost if it can be packaged and sold? You tell me. Can we afford to not have it? No. We can’t. Though happiness is what we feel towards specific “happy” events in our lives, this feeling can be altered based on our values and beliefs. One man’s meat is another poison. There isn’t a universal life event that all can be happy in. Even in the birth of a new life or the end of an old life. Some can be happy in what is supposed to be a sad occasion (the death of a life: murderer) and sad in what is supposed to be a happy occasion (the birth of a life: born out of wedlock).

I lived half of my life in misery. Hope was a luxury I didn’t buy. Misery love company. The more I convince myself that the whole world is against me, the more I “enjoyed” the cesspool I put myself in. I could have been Oscar the Grouch’s grandfather. I hated my body. I hated what I cannot do. I hate everything left, right and center. Until… I fell in love. This then became the time where even the ugly look beautiful to me. There is a spring in my steps and a silly grin that can’t be wiped off. Unfortunately, this did not last. The higher I flew into the love trap, the harder I fell back into reality. Bitterness, angst and despairs came back ten times stronger. With this violent swing, I slowly picked through the pieces of my brokenness and found peace. Well… sort of peace. I realized that I could choose what I want to feel.

To choose my feelings initially seem like an impossible feat. Feelings like pain are there to warn us of danger. When hurt in an abusive relationship, our feelings tells us to either fight of flee. In happiness, we get a rush or warm feeling that pushes us to keep going at what is making us happy. The pleasure and pain centers in our brains are very close together though. Thus, there are those that remain in abusive relationships (denial) or are deriving “pleasures” from pain (masochistic). Though entering into denial is part of our self-defense, protecting the body from going into shock, remaining in it could bring far worse consequences. In Kübler-Ross model, the final stage to end up in is acceptance. To correctly chose the appropriate feelings in responding to various circumstances require me to actively seek different viewpoints and also to learn to call a “spade” a spade (which to me still mean acceptance of the truth).

No matter how many times you are hurt, believe the gloom will part for clear skies. And when you are in bliss, remember it and enjoy it to the fullest. May you always stay happy and Happy Holidays!

*Wink.
MGFX1975 aka WindyG