Not now or tomorrow

Delay gratification. Quite an unfamiliar phrase known only by a few. If you like desserts and would eat it before your main course or anything else, you are at risk of getting into trouble when you make decisions. I love to write. I haven't got much chance to write this couple of months. Been writing drips and drapes on my PDA, but couldn't really put together a full post. Something of more importance replaced it. When it is of more importance, it doesn't necessary means it is something I like to do more over writing. It just meant it’s more important, nothing else.

Living in fast-paced society, it’s hard to differentiate the ''must haves" and the "good to have" as the line blur. Especially hard when you live in Singapore, surrounded by the "instant noodle" generation and being consistently bombarded with temptations that promise a "better life", that's when you buy whatever they are selling "to give you that life'' of course. To wait is thought to be only a choice for the poor, where the rich can afford that premium express service. On the contrary, I have met very wealthy people that really know that the best is worth waiting for and is extraordinarily patient.

Life is short, but it mustn't be used as an excuse for being impatient. To set aside our wants and take care of more urgent needs require a will of steel. When time and resources realistically allow, your wants gratified would become even sweeter. Believe me; the best is worth the wait.

I was nagging myself for almost 2 years to get a new wheelchair. I wanted it very badly as my current one is veering to the left all the time, making it excruciatingly hard to push. Sadly, I wasn't financially sound to buy it. (It cost around USD$6,000 then). Now, I am only days away from my throne on wheels. (It’s delayed for the second week). I am really excited over it and is relieved that I didn't have to skip meals to get it. I remembered it, delayed it and slowly worked for it. That's what made owning it now sweeter.

I always love telling my story of how a 10 years old girl taught me the greatest lesson about life. It was about 10 years ago, when I was still a youth counselor.

I was conducting a group session with a bunch of youths where I asked them what they think being matured is about. Each gave me very expected answers. Some says is about being successful, while some says it’s about being considerate to others. They were all quite right. Then it came to Aishah's turn to speak. What she said then made the other kids fell silent thereafter and into deep thoughts. Do bear in mind that the following words came from a little girl that was only ten years old.

She said: "Being matured is about doing what is good, for others and yourself, even when you don't want to do."

After the session, I took her aside and asked about her answer. She is the daughter of a widowed mum with two other younger siblings. Her mother worked three jobs in a week, two on weekdays and one over the weekends. She shared with teary eyes of how much she had wanted to ask her mum to buy her an electronic pet toy. (a Tamagouchi that cost around twenty dollars then.) All her friends have it and she felt left out when she doesn’t have one. She was sure that if she asked of it from her mother, she would be able to get it. However, she said she stopped herself from asking as she knows that her mum will skip lunch for two days so as to afford it. She mustered whatever will a young girl of 10 would have and zipped up her mouth real tight.

Ten years later, she is now in NUS studying law on government scholarship. Her mum is beaming with pride of how far she has come. Last I met her mum, she was filled with gratitude and keep thanking me for how I have helped her. She was wrong. Aishah helped herself and has helped me more than she will ever know.

As I shared with her mother the conversation I had with her daughter ten years ago, she cried and felt she had deprived her beloved child of a happy childhood. I beg to differ. With her circumstances, Aishah learned that she is in charge of her own life. By being able to deny her flesh and be matured with wisdom beyond her age, she learned that she will reap what she has sown. That she can bear that moment of discomfort and taste the sweet fruits of her hard labor thereafter.

Now as I see my nephews and niece growing up, I am burden with an urgency to teach them resilience in adversities is not only about enduring hardships, but also about saying NO to a moment of pleasure that could lead to a life of regrets.

There are many ironies in life. I learned that to have the object of my desire is to not want it immediately, but work for it with a strong sense of responsibility. My attachment to the materials of life is only temporal, so it is always wise not to get too attached to it. It is not wrong to desire. It becomes very wrong when it turns into obsessions and when we allow irrationality to take over.

The ability to deny and delay the flesh is what I found it to be one of the pillars of successful men and women. They know that who they are today is plainly because of what they have done yesterday. And what they will be tomorrow is decided by what they do today.

I pray that many will come to know of this and help each other towards it. I hope too that there will come a day when advertisements are created to appeal to the mind of the wise and not the weakness of the heart.

Slowly, but surely.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG