Not now or tomorrow

Delay gratification. Quite an unfamiliar phrase known only by a few. If you like desserts and would eat it before your main course or anything else, you are at risk of getting into trouble when you make decisions. I love to write. I haven't got much chance to write this couple of months. Been writing drips and drapes on my PDA, but couldn't really put together a full post. Something of more importance replaced it. When it is of more importance, it doesn't necessary means it is something I like to do more over writing. It just meant it’s more important, nothing else.

Living in fast-paced society, it’s hard to differentiate the ''must haves" and the "good to have" as the line blur. Especially hard when you live in Singapore, surrounded by the "instant noodle" generation and being consistently bombarded with temptations that promise a "better life", that's when you buy whatever they are selling "to give you that life'' of course. To wait is thought to be only a choice for the poor, where the rich can afford that premium express service. On the contrary, I have met very wealthy people that really know that the best is worth waiting for and is extraordinarily patient.

Life is short, but it mustn't be used as an excuse for being impatient. To set aside our wants and take care of more urgent needs require a will of steel. When time and resources realistically allow, your wants gratified would become even sweeter. Believe me; the best is worth the wait.

I was nagging myself for almost 2 years to get a new wheelchair. I wanted it very badly as my current one is veering to the left all the time, making it excruciatingly hard to push. Sadly, I wasn't financially sound to buy it. (It cost around USD$6,000 then). Now, I am only days away from my throne on wheels. (It’s delayed for the second week). I am really excited over it and is relieved that I didn't have to skip meals to get it. I remembered it, delayed it and slowly worked for it. That's what made owning it now sweeter.

I always love telling my story of how a 10 years old girl taught me the greatest lesson about life. It was about 10 years ago, when I was still a youth counselor.

I was conducting a group session with a bunch of youths where I asked them what they think being matured is about. Each gave me very expected answers. Some says is about being successful, while some says it’s about being considerate to others. They were all quite right. Then it came to Aishah's turn to speak. What she said then made the other kids fell silent thereafter and into deep thoughts. Do bear in mind that the following words came from a little girl that was only ten years old.

She said: "Being matured is about doing what is good, for others and yourself, even when you don't want to do."

After the session, I took her aside and asked about her answer. She is the daughter of a widowed mum with two other younger siblings. Her mother worked three jobs in a week, two on weekdays and one over the weekends. She shared with teary eyes of how much she had wanted to ask her mum to buy her an electronic pet toy. (a Tamagouchi that cost around twenty dollars then.) All her friends have it and she felt left out when she doesn’t have one. She was sure that if she asked of it from her mother, she would be able to get it. However, she said she stopped herself from asking as she knows that her mum will skip lunch for two days so as to afford it. She mustered whatever will a young girl of 10 would have and zipped up her mouth real tight.

Ten years later, she is now in NUS studying law on government scholarship. Her mum is beaming with pride of how far she has come. Last I met her mum, she was filled with gratitude and keep thanking me for how I have helped her. She was wrong. Aishah helped herself and has helped me more than she will ever know.

As I shared with her mother the conversation I had with her daughter ten years ago, she cried and felt she had deprived her beloved child of a happy childhood. I beg to differ. With her circumstances, Aishah learned that she is in charge of her own life. By being able to deny her flesh and be matured with wisdom beyond her age, she learned that she will reap what she has sown. That she can bear that moment of discomfort and taste the sweet fruits of her hard labor thereafter.

Now as I see my nephews and niece growing up, I am burden with an urgency to teach them resilience in adversities is not only about enduring hardships, but also about saying NO to a moment of pleasure that could lead to a life of regrets.

There are many ironies in life. I learned that to have the object of my desire is to not want it immediately, but work for it with a strong sense of responsibility. My attachment to the materials of life is only temporal, so it is always wise not to get too attached to it. It is not wrong to desire. It becomes very wrong when it turns into obsessions and when we allow irrationality to take over.

The ability to deny and delay the flesh is what I found it to be one of the pillars of successful men and women. They know that who they are today is plainly because of what they have done yesterday. And what they will be tomorrow is decided by what they do today.

I pray that many will come to know of this and help each other towards it. I hope too that there will come a day when advertisements are created to appeal to the mind of the wise and not the weakness of the heart.

Slowly, but surely.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

A Deadly Combination

Haven't been blogging for a long time. My mind could not accommodate anything else but work. Not a very good thing. Much has happened since my last post, so allow me to post a fast update for my own remembrance on this chapter in my life.

Just had a mini-operation for hernia. Still darn painful after removing the stitches yesterday.

Business is getting better, but still frustrated about how things are running in the office. (Must keep things simple and keep my eye on the ball.)

Got in and out of a bad relationship with a Filipino nurse. (What the hell was I thinking!!??)

Paid the deposit for my new wheels (chair). Its a titanium one!! (Can't wait to get my butt on it. Gonna mod it like a mad man also.) Look out for some pictures of it in my post next week.

Anyway, some things have been bugging me like mad lately. It happen less often now as I was too busy to let anything bug me. I started going for counseling sessions when a fellow counselor was so kind to offer his help in breaking the gates that could be holding me back on my future growth. Going to see him again on Thursday. (Really looking forward to it.) Talking to him have help me realize a lot of things about myself. It also open floodgate of emotions that I never knew it was there. (Well...maybe I knew it was there, but could not really put a finger on it.) I somehow knew what I need to change in my life and was going at it like a bulldozer. Sadly, some of the results are less than desirable. However, I don't seem to regret doing things the way I did. I knew that if I had not, the results will be far more less desirable.

I am a man of extreme that is fighting hard to find the balance that I yearn for. Life to me is very much black and white without much ambiguity. You are or you are not. No in between. When we think we are moderately balanced, we are simply choosing to respond in two extremes in different situations. The challenge is in knowing and using the correct extreme in a timely manner and in an appropriate situation.

My beef today is about a deadly combination that I have observed recently in the people I been meeting. Its a combination of two traits that makes a personality repulsive. I may sound harsh or even judgmental in my choice of words, but it is only fair to say that I have discern these traits not to condemn but to learn of life and how I should live it well. The two combining personality that is to be found in a person that ensure his early spiritual and mental demise are Pride and Sloth. Sure we are sometimes proud and lazy, but when we go to the extreme or stay at it, we are better off not living (I like to say dead, but then again, why not?) /dead.

For every living breathing being, there is a destiny that awaits him to take hold of. When he choose not spur himself towards it because he thinks he deserves better and feels that it should come to him instead is being ridiculously naive and idiotic. My beef with these personalities are when they ask of me to pick up their sh*t after them. Would you not be pi**ed?

Their lives on this path are peppered with critical remarks, skeptical faith and cynical sarcasms. They would find no fault of their own but blame anyone or anything for their miserable state of life. I cannot understand how or what or why they are thinking! Their destinies thus become a lesson for others of what not to become. The more I observe of them, the more I learn about how I should respond to setbacks, failures or discouragement. Which is not to become proud and not give up trying again. Proud and lazy people simply chose the easy way out. They reason that its not worth trying anymore. They strongly believe, if they can't, nobody else can. Ooohh I so like to prove them wrong.

Well...much more can be learn of them and even from ourselves when we tether on the edge of pride and sloth. I am learning to catch myself before I go over that edge and I encourage you to do so too. If anyone were to catch me before I catch myself, you are allowed to call me a proud lazy pig. BTW, give me a kick on the arse while you're at it ok?

Anyway...GTG. Pain meds are making me drowsy. Will catch you soon.

Tata..

Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming.

For Want of a Horseshoe Nail.

Hihi,

Been very busy like a bumblebee. So will update you guys and gals later. Just want to post this for my own sake. Hope you can get something out of it too.

:)

Michael Kuan

The value and importance of patience and attention to details has been illustrated for years in James Baldwin’s wonderful story, “For Want of a Horseshoe Nail.” The famous legend and rhyme regarding the defeat and death of King Richard III, was immortalized by William Shakespeare’s unforgettable line: “A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!”

The lesson for leaders everywhere lies in King Richard’s impatience and his groom’s failure to details. Preparing to engage an army led by Henry, Earl of Richmond, that would determine who would rule England, King Richard III, sent his groom to prepare his favorite horse.

“Shoe the King’s horse quickly,” the groom instructed the blacksmith. “You’ll have to wait…I’ve got to get more iron,” the blacksmith answered. Failing to listen, the groom shouted impatiently, “I can’t wait …make do with what you have.”

So the blacksmith bent to his task and from a bar of iron he made four horseshoes. When he began to nail them on, he discovered he did not have enough nails to nail the fourth shoe. “I need one or two more nails and it will take some time to hammer them out,” he said.

“I told you I can’t wait,” the groom responded impatiently. “I hear the trumpets now. Can’t you just use what you have?” “Yes, but I can’t be certain it will hold,” answered the blacksmith. “Well then, just nail it on,” the groom shouted. “And hurry or King Richard will be angry with us both.”

And thus, in the thick of the Battle of Bosworth Field in 1485, as King Richard’s horse lost a shoe and the battle was lost, history gained a lesson in taking meaningful action. As children everywhere have heard:

“For want of a nail, a shoe was lost,
for want of a shoe, a horse was lost,
for want of a horse, a battle was lost,
for want of a battle, a kingdom was lost.

And, we might add, for want of only a few, history was altered. For as Leo Tolstoy so wisely stated in his epic historical novel War and Peace,
“The strongest of all warriors are these two─Time and Patience.”

Thus, the important lesson for all leaders inclined to practice and pursue perfection of listening patience, lies in the irrefutable wisdom of Francis Quarles expressed 400 years ago,

“My soul, sit thou a patient looker-on; Judge not the play before the play is done: Her plot hath many changes; every day Speaks a new scene; the last act crowns the play.”