客观性

客观性 - 虽然是一种罕见的理性才智，但有些人在这方面的能力极高。当人需要冷静明晰的思维时，客观性就显得很重要，但当人需要投注情感时，客观性却会形成障碍。身为辅导员，我们常会不自觉地陷入两种极端的“陷阱”中：太客观，我们就无法真情流露，凭直觉和真心去看待事情，而且也会破坏客观性所需的联系；太感性，我们就会过于感情用事，甚至导致同情心泛滥和错误判断，这对任何一方都不会有好处 。

至于那些因怜悯而投身辅导工作的人？请小心衡量这么做的代价，否则你的下场可能会是失去自我，变成宿命论的俘虏。正面的精神态度是许多“导师”所积极追求的。悲哀的是，能够触及相关领域并拥有平衡精神态度的“导师”却不多，只能期望或寄望学生们自行修正其后果。真实的后果往往偏差很大，不是太正面就是太负面。为了尝试给自己一个更加正确的愿景，我研制出一种五字诠译度量法，以恰当描述人们不同的精神态度，那就是：

宿命主义者—悲观主义者—现实主义者—乐观主义者—理想主义者

根据一般说法，人的精神健康是以他的感官所感知的现实，与真实世界（我们大部份人都认同的）之间的距离来衡量。我们每个人看待现实的角度都不同，但一般来说都会认同大部份的现实面。当一个人偏离所谓的正轨太远，我们会给他贴上“他不愿意面对现实”，或“他脑里少了一根筋”等标签。

但这里出现另一个问题：我们总是太快就给别人贴上标签。虽然一个人的精神健康和他对现实的醒觉性习习相关，但他想要改变和挑战现实的意念，却不该被误解为是精神失常。普遍来讲，那些伟大的男女，他们在某些生活层面上都显得有些疯狂。有时候，我们会认为成就伟大的那些人，好像都有偏执异常的个性，而且很难套入平常的行为规范之中。对他们而言，客观性就是达成他们内心所响往的境界。那表示他们将意志和心念合而为一，以心念为先。因此，他们处理抽象概念和矛盾反论的能力非常强。大多数人大部份时间都保持客观态度，但却是要达成意志所要的，而忽略心之所需。

重要的是，所有人都必须牢记：虽然我们要坚持明辨是非，但人类的“如果”想象力才是化腐朽为神奇的力量。在危难时刻，客观性确实有用，可是它越快助人解除烦恼，就越缺乏那种感性的心灵触动，让人们真的脱离烦恼。俗云：“当猫走了，老鼠开始作乐。”一个极端客观的上司往往只能使下属在视线范围内做他要他们做的事；一个懂得关心人的上司，却能保有一颗平衡客观的心，并成功让下属愿意去做他要他们做的事--- 真心愿意，而非威逼利诱。你明白我话中的重点吗？归根究底，一个人的动力并非来自他的意志，而是来自他的心念。一个成功虏获追随者的心的领袖，可以让他们陷入狂热状态，做出漫无目的、荒谬愚昧的事。 所以说，拥有一颗开放的心是极端危险的。我鼓励每个人都保有开放的意志，但却要战战兢兢地管制自己的心，这样才不会被虚无的意志俘虏，进而掉入失智的陷阱中。

4：23节经文：“管好您的心，才能凌驾一切之上，因为它会影响你所做的每一件事。"

感谢译者小果鼎力拔刀相助（译力双语服务 www.elitebilingual.com）

English Version

坚持与变

主, 授予我平静的心,
让我接受我无法改变的事,
勇气去改变我能改变的事,
和智慧知道区别。
- 祈祷的手

身为人类，我们都是习惯的生物。不幸的是，许多人有的都是恶习。当原有的事物一直持续时，有些人会觉得沉闷无趣；大多数人却害怕改变，甚至全身心都抗拒事物的改变。我们也是极端的生物。

怪异的问题源自于此：太多原本应该永久保持的事物（爱、情感、价值观、信念和戒律），竟不断的在变；而应该改变的事物（思想、观点、系统、方法和技艺）却又固步自封。这样的差异往往令我们一筹莫展。盲目者引领盲从者，很多人都有美群心理，难怪突破是如此艰难，需要有切除毒瘤般的决心和勇气。只有极少数的人能回应社会中所需进行的改变。关于这点我毫不惊讶，因为我们连发生在自己生命中的变化都无能为力啊！

我们的直觉反应就是逃跑，因为突破意味着必须逆流前进。你需要的只是下定决心。是的，下定决心，就那么简单。哥伦布不畏艰险，坚持航海行程只为证明地球是圆的；莱特兄弟屡败屡试，百折不挠只为完成飞行如鸟的梦想；伟大的领导者（包括善恶两类）矢志推行自己的改革，展望更美好的世界。有人说，合法的事，却不是每一件都对人有好处。因此，去芜存菁，精益求益是很重要的。

我们都会害怕，而最害怕的就是未知。保持不变和作出改变都需要勇气。虽然许多人明白作出改变需要勇气，但他们却无法洞察保持不变（譬如戒律）同样需要勇气。为何如此？只因信守戒律需要坚持的勇气，不管到最后能否达致成功，都要坚持信守下去。当我们来到必须作决定的十字路口，往往会倾向两条极端相反的道路。为了生存而改变，或为了灭亡而维持现状，好个吊诡的两极论，不是吗？我们都讨厌这样的处境，久而久之便形成漫不经心或袖手旁观的消极态度。

我们宁可让别人来代为我们作决定，面对责任或结果时却束手无策。这么做，至少我们可以埋怨别人或其他事物。遇到生命中的逆境，我们渴望能破茧而出或跨过难关。然而，很少人能如愿…………因为我们喜爱玫瑰的芬芳，却抗拒她的刺；我们要观赏星辰，却不肯待在黑暗中；我们要到天堂享乐，却不愿死亡。这就是简单的真理。

人生不是自助餐；它只是一道菜肴，而你得全盘接受，与之共处。我们要适应它，有什么就物尽其用。抱怨、哀叹和悲诉都于事无补。欲烹调出美味又营养均衡的菜式，需要大量的智慧，及一抹乍闪的信念。向前进，凭着改变与遵行戒律这两项行动，我们将能踏入突破的领域。我们只须想通何时做好我们本该做的事。认清所应遵行的价值观 - 是作出改变或维持现状。它让男孩蜕变成男人、女孩蜕变成女人；平凡之辈蜕变成杰出人士。许多人总爱追究生命的真谛，对我来说，它的答案就是――依据每个人独特的宿命天责，让生活过得精彩充实。若你还没找到自己真正的天意，不要紧，只要你有恒心继续寻找；若你找到了，请改变那些拦阻在你面前的事物。至于应该保持的，请你专心致志的坚持下去。热爱生命，服务大众，我敢保证你必能领会到，原來割毒瘤并非如想象中那麽恐怖；你甚至有可能享受它，因为你已找到了自已。

Translated by Elite Bilingual Services

English Version

Objectivity

Objectivity, it is a scarce non-emotional resource. There are those with too much of it though. It helps when clarity is needed, but becomes more of a hindrance when empathy is more applicable. As a counselor, we are constantly in danger of the two extremes. Be too objective, we fail to 'feel' or empathize with our charge and risk breaking the link objectivity desperately need. Be too emotional, we risk 'feeling' so much that we lose objectivity and end up having a pity party with our charge that will not bring anyone anywhere good. To those whose compassion is leading them to the helping industry? Count carefully the cost, or you may end up losing yourself into the pits of fatalism.

Positive mental attitude is hawkered by many 'gurus' with great intention. Sadly, not many of the 'gurus' touched the area of having a 'balanced' mental attitude. The consequences are expected or hoped to be self-corrected by the 'students'. Mostly, the actual results end up being very lopsided, either very positive or negative. In trying to give myself a proper perspective, I come to a five words description scale that aptly described people with different mental attitudes. They are;

Fatalist – Pessimist – Realist – Optimist – Idealist

It is said that a man's mental health is gauged by the distance of his perceived 'reality and the 'true' reality that most of us could agree upon. We each view our 'realities' differently, but would normally agree on most of it. When an individual strays far away from the agreed, we slapped labels like 'he is in denial' or 'he has a few loose nuts'. Here lies another problem; we are too quick on the draw to label people. Though a person's mental health is pegged to his awareness of realities, his will to change and challenge such realities are not to be mistook for a poor mental health. It is common for great men and women to claim that they were all at some point of their lives called crazy. It is also sometimes recognized that people that achieved greatness usually are somewhat eccentric and hard to be pigeon-holed in major behavioral norms. To them, being objective is about achieved what they set their hearts on. It meant they make their mind sync with their hearts, emphasizing on the heart first. Thus, they are very capable in dealing with the abstract and paradoxes. For the majority of us, most of the time to us being objective meant achieving what we set our minds on, disregarding the heart.

It is important for all individual to keep in mind that though we would want to insist in calling call a spade a spade, it is the ‘what ifs’ imagination of mankind that insist that a spade can be a heart after all. Objectivity is useful in times of crises, but while it gets people out of trouble sooner, it lacks the softer touch of empathy that keeps people out of trouble. It is said, “When the cats away, the mice starts to play.” Often, an extremely objective boss could only get his subordinates to do what he wants them to do when he is around. The considerate boss that balance heart with objectivity gets his subordinates to do what the he wants them to do because they really want to, not because the boss wants them to. You getting my point? Ultimately, a person’s motivation does not come from his mind, but from his heart. A leader that captures the heart of his followers can make them do ridiculous stuff with a fanatical passion even if there is no objective to accomplish. It is thus extremely dangerous, to have an open heart. I encourage everyone to keep an open mind, but guard the heart with fear, that it will never fall prey to words that inspires with nothingness.

Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.”

Heart Whisperer
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Chinese Version