The Seven Deadly Sins – Rage

Lately I have been quite a short fuse. Anybody know any good anger management course? I think I’m born angry. I have the right to be angry than all the “normal” people on the streets. In fact, I think sometime I border on being psychopathically angry. Living in a face-paced demanding society like Singapore gave me plenty of opportunities to be angry. That lead me to think about the fruits/consequences of anger. I know love produce love, faith produce hope, joy produce peace but what anger produce then? Well a lot it does produce my young padwan.. In my bible (the last I check), it reminds me not to sin in my anger. With that it plainly states, it give birth/produce sins. History has seen its share of angry men. From Mao Tse Tung, Hitler and to the most recent terrorists, anger’s fruits are everywhere. It has contributed substantially to change the face of the world. At the cost of many lives, dreams, hopes, property and etc. It killed the next Einstein, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and nailed my Christ to the cross. A friend commented that bitterness with someone is likening to drinking poison and hoping that someone dies. Simply put it, anger is being counter-productive.

On observing the many great men (that I’m blessed to have as a part of my life), one of their common traits are that they are extremely slow to anger. Their discipline to control their emotions amazes me. These men are in their grey years, which only motivate me to learn their secrets faster and younger. To have anger in a moment is quite fine, but to act in anger has proven itself to be destructive. To err is human, to forgive divine. That means counting to ten actually puts my mind back to perspective. To have perspective in the mist of an emotional high (anger) is quite a feat to accomplish. Have you heard of the Holy Wrath? To me that’s a different kind of anger. It is laced with a whole lot of kindness. It acts for the betterment to the object of anger. It is loud with patience, firm with principles, ignorance to history, constructive with actions, clear in instructions, lawful to consequences and many more. To have experience Holy Wrath plainly means not having our brain shoved up our asses in our times of anger.

Back to what really pissed me off recently. I was pissed at a friend that betrayed my trust. Pissed with the public that wouldn’t give way to disabled in a lift. Pissed at the cabby that zoom me by when I needed him. Pissed at my sibling whose life mission is to make my life miserable. Pissed at my client that is unreasonable. Pissed at myself for being caught in the rain (again). Do you want me to go on? I doubt so because I believe you would have yours to add.

“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26 NIV)."

It really says a lot doesn’t it. At the end of the day, I am accountable for my actions. Though the law may take provocation as a defense for the insulted to kill the insulter, I really wish we get a grip of our hearts and not let it run amok. Most importantly I want to get a grip. Can I do it on my own? I seriously doubt so. Look around you, especially the elders in your life. They learn to "忍" means to have a knife in your heart and yet remain in control.

Peace unto you.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Acceptance

No man is an island. No man lives for himself. No man answer to nobody. We each shoulder a certain level of responsibility on how people view our lives. Like it or not we are all look up or down upon by somebody out there. As a child we behave like a child and deserves what the behavior beget. As an adult thus we must behave as one and must not blame how we are viewed upon however negative it may be. I commented in a past entry on the judgment of the world pressuring us to conform to a mold. I do note now that it is hard not to conform. Everyone wants recognition in one form or another. Some seek for it unabashedly while some only yearn for it with a longing in the heart. We all want to be loved, to be hold, to be reassured that we are doing fine. Some deny that they need it but we all can still "see" that need no matter how its vehemently denied. I seen some going to great extend to get this assurance, abet being mocked and persecuted she would still cling on to the security however unreal it may be.

Don't look at this entry and pretend you do not know what I'm talking about. You want to be accepted! So do I... As a disabled my effort to attain the same level of results compared to a normal being is doubled or more. So the same is my need to be accepted. I have done and said many stupid things to get the attention. Perhaps i am still doing so now. I am more assured of myself now. I found myself having security on higher things. Wanting to be recognized is still very much a part of my character. It's only more suppressed and many better things took reign now.

It is OK to want acceptance. However..the simple truth is this. YOU ARE ALREADY ACCEPTED! It's just whether you choose to believe it or not. Acceptance of ourselves is the small step we all must take in order to be at peace. I do want to add this though, accepting ourselves doesn't mean that we overlook or not work on our obvious flaws. It only means we are confident of who we are and what we are improving on. Acceptance is not and never should be a license to sin. The next time when you look at the mirror again, note what is the first thought that come through your mind. I hope you are thus at peace.

Shalom,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S: Happy Valentine's Day

Knowing me, knowing you...uh huh?

Hehe...second time get to write today. Hmm...dunno why but i just feel like penning some sudden passing thoughts. Was reading some of my friend's profile and realize that there were so many things i do not know about them. Sad ya? I thought so too. Very thankful thus far of the kind of people that passes through my life. Sure there some pretty weird ones, but on the whole i have no complains. There are some people that i would like to know better. You know...in the "better" sense? If you don't ahh...i won't explain it.

It's certainly a blessing to have good friends and too a freaky time to have bad ones. One particular sister in my church wrote in her profile about her conscious decision on staying away from negative people. I think that is a very responsible decision.I recently had to literally ask an ex-friend to get out of my life. I did that in the coldest sense possible...via SMS. I have done this a couple of times now and find it reaping loads of benefits for my sanity sake. Then on reflection, i wonder if anyone wishes me out their lives too.

I had to tell this recent human being to get out of my life cause she was doing way too many damage in my mental well-being. The correct word to use was that she is very draining. Every time after a conversation with her, i feel like sh**t. A wife of a very dear friend too commented about me being emotionally draining to her husband. Of course she didn't tell me directly...her husband did. Then i asked her husband if it was true...well, I will that part for a later date. Its is true that we at times is a burden to our friends. Its truly amazing when some people don't feel like a burden at all! I have a friend that I am honor too listen her yak about some troubles she is going through yet I do not feel burden! Yet there are also some pathetic ones that you loathe to be in the same room with. Their words...well...how should I put it? Oh yes...with the Chinese proverb; "A dog's mouth will never grow elephant's tusk." They are the type that nothing good ever comes out of their mouths! And when they do say something good, you still don't feel convince! It ended up sounding sarcastic and demeaning.

Oops...way pass bedtime. Gotta work tomorrow. Will continue this post at a later date. See ya.

Continuing on a my train of thoughts on this entry is pretty tough. At the end of the day, i understand that for people to know me better, i have to stick out my neck to know people first. Finding my social skills rather rusty nowadays. Except in a business setting i find it tough to talk about anything else. Sigh...help me along will ya?

Trying to be a good friend
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Addicts Addicted 2 Addictions

We are all addicted to that something. It is like the thorn in our flesh. Without it we claim perfection, we then claim pure control in our life. The irony is this; we are not perfect and never will be perfect. Like it or not, we are all addicts. We are either mildly addicted or obsessively addicted. Addiction is the psychological compulsion to carry on a consistent behavior or action that is repetitive and at most times destructive. Let’s face it, nobody likes to be labeled or even admit to be an addict. It proclaims irritatingly loud of our character flaws. It breaks the illusion of control that we diligently weave around ourselves. Though I said that everyone have an addiction of sought, the type of addiction that will truly wreak havoc is the one that prevent normal daily functions. In all addictions there is to be found the one common objective, the objective to satisfy the cravings of the flesh. As each time passes with an individual satisfying an immediate craving, he is knowingly weakening himself to fight off the next. Thus, the vicious cycle continue indefinitely. Until he resolves to break away from this pattern or the environment drastically changed to prevent him from repeating the pattern, he would not be able to break out. It is easier to change the environment that the pattern take place in than to remain in that environment with a “decision” to break free.

Recently my pride was confronted with a serious addiction. It reduces me to a mere whining blob that wouldn’t care less of any consequences. My mind switches to the “live for the moment” mode and totally screws up any sliver of sanity that I may have left. I realized that I became unreasonably unreasonable with a ridiculous disregard of tomorrows. Such is the result of all addictions, do it now…regret it later. The correct word to use is Instant Gratification. In this instant noodle society of ours, we are met with addictable opportunities at every turn we make. It is there when we work, its there when we play. So then how are we to remain a non-addict? The answer is quite simple…find another addiction. Yup…you read right. Unfortunately, our brain is unlike the computer’s harddisk that can be reformatted at a click. To beat an addiction, you have to replace it with another. I am always disturbed by the general expressions of the public when they learn about another individual’s struggles with an addiction. Their “its so stupid to be addicted to that” stupid looking face together with “I’m holier than thou, coz I got no addiction” smirk makes me feel like giving them an anal probe that makes them shit out their addiction. Hey! Come on! Wake Up! You are not of any help when your encouragement to quit sounds more like a B rated movie with clichés that would even irritate the saintly. For an addict to find a way out of the addiction, he must first admit it that it is a problem. No amount of doom saying or threats can make him stop. On the contrary, unconditionally acceptance of him may produce a much more desirable result. Through the relationship you build, it may lead him to enlighten of the destructive effect it has on him and the people around him. The modification of any behavior thus has to start from the heart.

To err is human, to forgive is divine. The tendency for any addict though is a callous heart that forgives himself in a split second. So I subscribe to a belief that a small dose of self-condemnation is healthy. It keeps the heart and the mind in sync and bring about repentence. Having said that, we can’t have too much of anything. Moderation is an art. To wield it skillfully is to be sensitive to know when it is the appropriate time to wield it. There are instants where moderation should no have any footing nor any hint of its presence whatsoever. (e.g.: being a moderate drug addict…duh!) Enough said, so the proverbial question continue…To be or not to be? In each man lies his own responsibility to question life and to balance his quest for significance in his existence. His rights to live as he please is his own. Unless, this right infringes on other people or the society at large (rights), Until then…let the man live as he chose ok??


Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG