In the Eye of the Storm

Did you know that over 150,000 people die every day?
And 1 out of 113 people would die this year?

Spooky? Morbid? Well...at least its the fact. The world is in a very chaotic state today. Security is almost non-existent, or at best an illusion. To make sense of what has been and would be going on around me is quite a challenge. The past few months were emotionally tough. I expect the next few months wouldn't get any better. You see, I gotten a phone call on Monday and was told that one of my friend passed away. I knew him while I was volunteering to the terminally-ill. I don't really know him that well, and again I wished I had. To remain calm and full of faith at a moment is not really a very hard thing to do. What is hard though is to remain consistent. To find the Eye of The Storm would be quite a feat I would hope to achieve throughout my life. The tricky part here again is to stay in the Eye. You asked why? Because the storm is moving. Moving with the storm require awareness and accurate observation on where it'll move to.Do at least try to guess where it would move. Divine revelations can be quite a help when you need it too. :)

Many friends I know refused to move when they clearly know they must. They were too comfortable to move, they say. The storm won't move, they proclaimed. They were too tired to move, they moaned. Old men reminisce on the good old days with regrets while young men lived as if they were immortals. The world is in such despair that hope become a rare phenomenon. The identity of some individuals are wrapped around instant gratification and with almost 100% neglect for tomorrow. I know and am aware of the moments that I fall through that pit too. It takes death to understand death. I was thus slapped with what I had already knew before. I was reminded of what I wanted to forget. I had forgotten that life is too short to;

* NOT love
* NOT share
* NOT give
* NOT hope
* NOT dream
* NOT sow
* NOT reap
* NOT grief
* NOT laugh
* NOT tear
* NOT build
* NOT to know that life is too short

We all deserve our cake and to eat it. The question I ask is whether I want the cake I baked. I prayed hard each time for strength to live hard as if that I would die tomorrow. I would then pray too for dreams so big as if I would never die. I am not a greedy man. I am just blessed. I am blessed to have people who love me and would tell me when I am on the wrong path. I am blessed to have them to catch me in my fall even though I willfully chose to walk it. He who laugh last laugh best isn't it? I believe he who lasted true to his own destiny would rest best. Shalom then I say to you my friends. May you stay always in the Eye of the Storm. May you find peace when the fat lady sing.

At peace,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Dear Grandma,

My grandmother passed away on the 5th August 2006 @ 10:15pm.

I wrote this entry as I stayed by her side and saw her slowly slip away. There is more I really wanted to tell her, but this is all I could muster up at this moment. I already miss her very much.

I love you..Por Por

Dear Grandma,

I have told you everything I had wanted to say. Now that it's said, l felt only regret that no more could be said. You were my mum's educator, fervent supporter and strength provider. I am because my mum is. My mum is because you were first. Your life was lived to its fullest. Our struggles pale in comparison to yours. I remember your stories of your hardships, and could only look at you in awe. The fruits of your life are evidently shown through your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their love for you can never match your sacrifices. You were always generous and yet never held back a loving disciplining hand. Now I have no more tears. My heart numbed. I know I love you, but why has my heart turn cold? Would I ever see you again? I pray that I would. Worry not of the discourse you leave as they will resolve in its time. Forgive our failures and know you are missed. I do not know how long your legacy would last. I cannot guarantee our memories of you wouldn't fade. I am sure though of the footprints you left in my life, would be with me till the end of my days.

I am sorry; I hid behind the wall as your life slowly fade away. I am sorry too that my faith is too weak to believe for a miracle. For all the should haves and could haves, I am sorry. You led a hard life but a good life. We rally each time you called for every festivities. Wouldn't be the same without you. Especially missed are your Yong Tau Foo and Chicken's Legs. Your much sought after nuggets of wisdom and gentle rebukes would cease to be dispense when it's needed the most. I am proud of you "Por Por". I am honored to be your grandson. Thank you.

Missing you,
Your Ah Xiong.

Death and Dying.

We are alive, therefore we will die. This is the simplest, most obvious truth of our existence, and yet very few of us have really come to terms with it. This year has forced me to face the issue death and dying. I realised my awareness of my own mortality was an "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" matter. The beginning of the year saw me losing a close friend to cancer. Now half-way through, I may soon lose my beloved granny to the cancer demon as well. Many years ago I signed the Advance Medical Directive o.k.a AMD. I thought that would put the question of my own mortality to rest. I thought wrong. I only made a decision of not having aggressive treatment to be implemented. I did not and cannot decide on the time and manner of my departure.

I have been shuttling between my work, home and the hospital for the past few days. I never could have imagined how physically tiring that would be. (Emotional tiredness as well) I come to appreciate my family more, especially my mummy dearest. I can't imagine the anxiety she feels each time I am admitted into hospital for surgery or some other complications. I now truly believe my mum to be one of the strongest person I know. No matter how strong a facade she puts up in front of the family, it prick me badly to see my mum crumbling inside when she knows her mum's (my granny) days are numbered. Seeing my extended family’s emotions being placed on a roller-coaster ride is also torturous as well. We hung on to every message of hope in the doctor’s word; we fall into pits of despair with each look falling on granny. When to let go? How to let go? Why is all this happening? Who can we turn to for decisions? And many many more questions to be answered. They simply won’t go away even if we chose to ignore them. When push comes to shove, we find strength in each other.

At times like this frictions occur as well. Old wounds are reopening, displeasures proclaimed and frustrations are vented. Perhaps these are the ways we as mere mortals cope with the inevitable. Perhaps we just needed something else to focus on; rather than the impending moment. I appreciate people around me and really do love life. I love life enough to know when to let go. I don’t have all the answers, neither do I have many answers. But what I know is this, that life is short and love conquers all. I commented recently to a youth I once counseled; that the type of person that I found hard to find is the people that live life passionately. That’s the type I want to be. That’s the life I want to live. I pray that the moment I bite the dust, I hit it with a wide smile on my face. Please pray for my granny. Pray too for my heart that it be strong. Pray also for yourself; that you live life to the fullest and love without reservation. After all, we never will truly know what tomorrow may bring you.

May you live right rather than only long,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Expect the expected

Someone recently asked me on what is the surest way of not getting disappointed? Simple. Have no expectations, be extremely fatalistic and a hopeless bum. Oh how we all wish that the world revolve around us. Deny it all you want. The truth is the truth. We expect people let us in the MRT before anyone gets off. We expect people to let us out of the MRT before anyone gets in. Heck! Everyone is behaving this way so why shouldn’t I!? Don’t let me get started on Kiasuism. I really don’t want to go there today. It’s about 7am in the morning and if I sigh anymore I would be a flat as a deflated balloon.

The month of July has been a very trying and stressful month. Just a week before my birthday, my family was told that my granny has cancer in its last stages. On my birthday itself, I relearned about what is naivety in a brand new way. I learned that promises can and would be broken if it’s too inconvenient to keep. Even my cellgroup leader spoke about disappointments in a cellgroup sermon! How appropriate it is for me. (Really a word spoken in season.) The fact is this; my priorities remain only my priorities no matter how much I wish that it’s someone else’s priorities too. My vision no matter how fluently communicated will never be 100% imparted. That is what kept individuals individually unique.

Two days ago my beloved mummy was taken to A&E because she couldn’t pass urine. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I was really screaming my lungs out to God! Sigh…how I wish crises, emergencies and unforeseen circumstances can be scheduled. Naïve eh? These two days has seen me having quite frequent emotional outbursts. Especially to authorities. I called the Traffic Police to punish the motorcyclist that has been consistently blocking my way to my office. Evil? I almost wanted to choke somebody real bad (an authority in my life) in a stranglehold on many occasions. Un-submissive eh? The true fear I have is really on my defense mechanism kicking in to protect myself from disappointments. I switch off and turn cold or switch to be more aggressive and turn white hot on the people around me. I can become heartlessly numb or a battering ram bent on destruction. I can stop hoping (becoming a I can’t be bothered critic) or become a selfish idiot that demands my way now, now & NOW! In short, my respond is usually very destructive and extreme.

Having a healthy discontent and an irritating repetitive demanding behavior is two entirely different mindset. Applying grace on to people and myself must also be kept in the context of the situation that it is given or withhold. I have seen people claiming to be gracious to be uncaring and flaky (They can really give grace coz they can’t really be bothered with me…or you.). I have too seen the people claiming to act out of tough love needing a crash course in grace. That is my challenge too. I philosophize way too much sometimes. But I like it this way. It’s comforting to know that I have struggles and that I am actually thinking.

Whether we like it or not, we all must learn to be adaptive. Nobody is going to hand me success on a silver platter nor would the world stop turning the moment I drop dead. If I really want it, I will get it by my effort with strengths and creativity from God then. Learning and maintaining a teachable heart is the only solution to disappointments. Not everyday will be a Sunday, but there will always be a Sunday. Let me part with you with my Mentor’s favorite saying. “Grow Stronger!”

Submitting to Grace.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Have a Piece of Me...

A Letter I Gave my Guest for my Birthday Bash,

“Have a Piece of Me,
From my Heart to Yours,”

Dear family, friends and fellow marketplace leaders,

Thank you for giving me the honor of your presence today. The past two years has been a tumultuous time that saw me through major changes, and experiences that has put me in many positions of breakthrough. Call it mid-life crises, (though I think I’m still too young) the past years has mould my thoughts and has given me a fresh wind in how the following chapters of my life should be written. I am who am by the sum of my experiences, the decisions or respond I chose to make and most importantly the company of friends I chose to keep. I thank you for being a part of this colorful and at times perturbing life. You have made a difference, no matter how small or how big, I am blessed through your friendship.

It is neither cliché nor a model answer statement when I say that I want to treasure life as it is. It is imperative that I must learn to give into life more than life has given (and will continue to give) to me. Through joy and pain, through laughter and tears, life has never truly failed me in anyway. Yes, there were times of frustration and hardships. There were also times that I thought I couldn’t take another step further anymore. Yet having nothing but only Grace and Faith, I could plough on. I am blessed. I can never deny that. In my time of weakness, I found strength through people like you. I too found hope in humanity that even though fallible; it is imbued with resilience that would rise when called upon. Thus I urge you to consider yourself blessed too and be liberated to live fully.

I would like to consider my life now lost, lost as it now does not belong to me. It belongs to my God and also to you. It was never really mine to keep in the first place. It is something that can be taken away against my will. Thus, I can only chose how it should be lived when it is still temporarily in my hands, for me to be a good steward of it. I chose to write you instead of a giving a long-winded painful speech that you may forget the next day. I know what I have that requires no affirmations. I know what I do not have and is assured I can have it (if I want it badly). Whatever I have or do not, pray that I live contented but not complacent. I thank you again for being a part in this life. I thank you in advance for the many encouragement, admonishments, impartation and many others things that you would kindly give. I pray I have the opportunity to contribute to yours too. Please have a good time in this party that is not only to celebrate the day I was born, but the years already lived. I wish you well and a fulfilling life that is lived to the fullest.

“Soli Deo Gloria”
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Be Thankful...

Why? Because life IS a bed of roses. Disagree? Well…there is a catch here; you have to accept the thorns that come with it. Disappointments, hurts and suffering are part and parcel of life. So it was always disturbing to hear people whining about life small setbacks as if the world is going to end the next moment, or as if they are the only ones with such painful experiences. Today is my Birthday! I celebrated it on Saturday with painfully, selectively invited guests and had a really good time. But unexpectedly, I was also in for a very disappointing experience. The people that RSVP to say they would come didn’t show up! Its ok if it is one or two, but can you imagine I had more than twenty!? Well…I actually somewhat expected it, but not in such great number. That’s life eh? You never know what you are really going to get. Still, I still managed to have a good time. I just had to lower my expectations.

The world doesn’t revolve around me. This I will accept. It’s not like I am a Kwek Leng Beng that has his invitation to his birthday party selling in eBay. Nobody’s life truly revolve around anybody. Even to their close ones. At least not one hundred percent, which I am very sure about. The key here is to come close to it. Close to what you ask? Not to disappoint people lah. It is very frustrating to hear a maybe don’t you think so? I had a very close business associate that really couldn’t be sure if she’s coming or not. So she gave me a straight No. She turned up! My bible teaches me to let my Yes be Yes and No be No. So come hell or high waters I would try my best to stick to my word. I came out strong in this event though.

I’m glad that I know who among my friends are the ones that kept to their words. There are some that need to be given a benefit of a doubt. Those are the ones that had the courtesy to SMS me or call me to offer apologies. Really pissed with those that just remain silent… I will bear no grudges with them. Like I said, I bought a lesson with their absence. Hehehe….revenge is better served cold. *Smack! Bish! Bong!* Err…just hit myself for my evil thoughts. I was thinking of paying back with a maybe for whatever those people invite me for and be a no-show too. Muahahaha! *Bang! Bish! Boing!* . Anyway, I seriously don’t think I will pull a stunt like that anytime soon. It’s too stressful. I can’t imagine what I will be going through for my wedding dinner!! Hmmz…like my mentor always say…”Grow stronger.” Let me emphasize this ok? I AM STILL VERY THANKFUL for MY LIFE! Yippee!!….grow stronger.

BTW, here are what I am thankful for. I got a VIOLIN for a birthday present!! From a very nice music teacher! I’m going to take up lessons with her real soon. Then I’m going to play a song for my even more selected guest at my next birthday party!!! My mum was happy with the flowers I gave her that night. My mentor kissed me! (On the cheek!) Yucks! A lot of the disabled youths had a great time. I didn’t bleed too much $$$. Though I still bled. (Anyway, organize this kinda thing must expect to bleed.) I got to touch base with a few close friends again. There still a lot more and I can go on forever!

Hmm…next paragraph.. Very long winded ya? It’s my blog and I will write however I want it. My birthday resolutions (not wishes), is to lose a truckload of weight and look great. I want to also earn truckloads of money too. Then I can be a Kwek Leng Beng with invitation going to the highest bidder. *Evil grin* Ok friends, that it! Check out some of the photos I took during my party ya?

Happy Birthday to ME!!
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

What's in a name...

...without a face?

Well...plainly speak, nothing. The pressures of life hold us ransom on how we lived it. We either succumb to it or we break free from the norms. Not many would chose the latter. The latter has proven itself over centuries that it would be a bitter pill to swallow. However, for one to flow with the flow is to ask that we murder our individuality and conform. Thus the issue of faces crops up again. We become square pegs trying to fit into round holes. We bang, we squeeze, we kick and scream. After sometime, we managed to get into the round hole but never quite fully and comfortably.

I never quite understand what I am doing half the time. Ironically, I am very comfortable with that. I am a person that reflects a lot on my words, thoughts and deeds. But with all the reflections I subject my mind to, I found that there must be conclusive outcomes. The outcome would determine whether I continue to spiral into the depth of self-pity or it renewed my strength. The outcome is my awareness on what is my faith level is at. Am I hopeful or am I in despair? If I am in despair then how can i lift myself up again. Mediocrity is for the hopeless heart. To dwell in who I was, who I am now, who people think I am or who I really am is of no more importance. I will focus the on one me that really matter. Who i want to become...

There are many times i learn to control what is mine to control (exercising self-control) and release what is not my jurisdiction. It made a lot of things easier. I found myself to be at peace when I knew I had done my best. Harping over the past and bitching about things that is beyond me is considered ridiculous and energy sapping. I never really like to answer to questions that start with "Do you know...?" When force to, these usually are my answers. I Know, I Don't Want to Know or I don't know YET. These statements put in control on what I chose to feed my mind with. It is definitely unpretentious and therefore put a more predictable face into my name. I am who I am is what I love to say. I can't be what others want me to be nor be able to truly understand who I really am. Again i repeat then. I can, in WHO I WANT TO BECOME! That then is my name and my face. The man who will become...

For the Glory of God alone...
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

The Heart of Good Counsel

"Touching Lives, Changing Hearts."

Dear SJAB Singapore Cadets,

Firstly, I want to thank all of you for giving me the honor to share with you on a skill set that I truly believe every human being should be equipped with. This is the fourth year (I think) that I am bestowed with this privilege and responsibility. By you being chosen to attend this cadet course, you are being recognized of your leadership potential and to be further equipped for the next chapter you are about to embarked in your lives.

You may wonder why I lead you to my website (as homework) before you attend my class. Well, here is where I have penned most of my spectrum of emotions and experiences that I wish in some way would benefit someone someday. (Even if it is only one.) To give good counsel, you must first be a recipient of them. I dare not claim all my counsels are good, but wish only declare that I am blessed to be a recipient of many. Life is fraught with many problems and pain. It is also filled with many inexpressible joy and laughter. To understand life and live it to the fullest we all have to embrace it.

Every individual is a unique being. Thus there are really no one set of solutions that can be mass produced to meet each pain. Great men have debated inconclusively for centuries about the existence of the “Happy” pill. I then arrive on a realistic conclusion. The people that really have no problems or pains are living in small bottles on shelves at Mandai. However, I believe that through all circumstances man has the ability to triumph and come out better.

I am a very blessed man because I chose to be one. I am who I am by the sum of my experiences and of the valuable contributions that great men and woman has made in my life. St’ John was founded on a real need and pain. Which is to care for the sick and to succour the poor and the homeless. I believe you know more of it’s history than I do.

The simple ideal truth is this; a man to have a Heart of Good Counsel, he needs to consider others first before himself. However, realistically it may not be possible. Or is it? It has to start somewhere, and I pray that it starts with you.

Read through my blog and understand a unique life. I look forward to listen or read about yours too. I encourage you to post comments freely to let me know what you wish to know on the coming Sunday.

Lastly, I wish that you may find this life of mine useful and had contributed to your journey that I sincerely believe would be spectacular.

Your fellow Pilgrim of Life,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

A Sanctuary

Many of us would wonder during our times of solitude, about what is all the hustle, bustle and rushing all about. Many too would find this little pause unsettling. Though the lazy would beg to differ, there is always somewhere to go or some things to do. We are unaccustomed to being still, and yet we are aware that the world spins on regardless of our desire that it pause for us. The world cannot stand still, but our own world can. I have seen many that seem busy but yet achieve nothing. There are too the people that seems to do nothing yet they accomplish plenty. I commented a few days ago to my boss this ideology. “It is not what you do, but how you do it. To desire a different result you have to do things in a different way.” This is a simple idea, but many fail to grasp the essence of it. By failing to understand that a process is created for an result, we design processes that hinder results. Thus a lot of people then wonder why they are not getting their desired results that they worked so hard for. The plain and simple truth is this;

I am often dumbfounded by myself (and many others), of why I kept doing the same thing yet desired a different result. Am I blinded to the truth or is just simply foolish? We know what we want to know and deny what we know as truths but it is not what we want to know. The vicious cycle then keep going round and round till weariness or bitterness sets in. That’s why it is crucial we find rest. The Sanctuary where we find time to ponder on the many mysteries of life and seek truth. I am thankful I have a relationship more than a faith. My time of solitude is never a time of aloneness. It is a paradox. I am alone yet I am with Someone. Freaky? Nope… My fellowship in that quiet moment yields me peace that neither riches nor persons can give. My sanctuary is sacred and thus requires extreme measures being taken to protect it.

Do you have that Place? Are you often there? Many people I met fear this place. Their popularity and security is hung onto how many times their mobile phone rings in any given day. They would fill their hours with noise and activities of nothingness. And when the dusk finally falls, they enter the twilight of their daily depression. It need not be this way my friend. Being secure requires an understanding that surpasses our own needs and wants. It is to know that it’s ok, even when everything is not ok. I am not advocating apathy, but of a still heart in the mist of a raging storm. I am always in awe of a leader that remain focus on the task at hand even the world may be falling apart around him. His secret is simply this. He enjoys his sanctuary.

Be still…
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Would you?

Would you? Would I what, you ask? Well…if you were to know that you might only have ten years life left, would you still begin a serious relationship? I was pondering on my previous post. It came back one full circle. The question of “to be or not to be?”. There will always be unanswered questions. There will never be THE perfect moment for actions. I seen many died with truckloads of regrets, hurts and with their dying breath uttering; “If Only…”. I would love to have a wife someday. That someday would come earlier or later, which is very much determined by me. I don’t really have a set of preset criteria for my potential wife. I want to have that someone I would love with all my heart, mind and soul. To have the PERFECT woman, I ask then am I the perfect man. It’s really ridiculous to expect a 10/10 woman to love me when I myself is a 5/10. Thus my responsibility is only my own. I comment on a lot occasions that good women (and men) are a dollar a dozen. The real question is not where have all the flowers gone, but is that flower right for you. I don’t believe in fate. I believe in destiny. Fate = chance or luck. Destiny = predetermined way. Destiny is more what we make of each situation, day by day, seconds by seconds. Walk a bit with me, could a man blame fate of his singlehood when he is unkempt, uncouth, uneducated and horribly unattractive? Surely Not!

Going back to my first question; “Would you start a relationship if you knew you have only ten year life left?” Well…I might. If it is made known to her right from the start. Watch “Spiderman 2”? Remember what was said before the girl ask Spidey to “Go Get Them Tiger”? A relationship is the concern of two parties. It is not and should never be a one-sided affair. By giving the other party the responsibility of an informed choice, it form the basis of trust, which in turn become the relationship’s foundation. I bet you seen many dive into relationships in pure stupidity that ends up in pure stupidity. Sadly, human may not be a rational lot when it comes to matters of the heart. All it depend on is the “Heavenly Sensation”, the pounding of the heart and sweet nothings. However, I must add, romance is good and chemistry between two parties is a must. The important thing is what follow after those sensation? My mentor once told me of four types of emotional bird form which we can take, they are;

The “Owl”, have a closed heart but an open mind. An intellect by nature and discipline in its emotions. Firm in principles, result oriented and can sometime be quite a heartless a**.

The “Peacock”, open heart but a close mind. Attracted by beauty, creative and a passionate lover. To emotional at times and seldom think (thats where the term "pea brain" comes from).

The “Eagle”, open heart with an open mind. Sensitive to its surroundings and fast to strike when all facts are right. Very unpredictable with mood swings because it struggles within. Dangerous at times but admired upon.

The “Ostrich”, closed heart with a closed mind. Extremely stubborn and haughty, when it comes to trouble it will be the first to “hide”. Err...I think this bird means stay far away from it, coz you be better talking to a wall.

When it comes to love, I am more of an Eagle. Willing to risk it all but yet desire nothing but perfection. I can go on at lengths to describe this four personalities, but this is not the purpose of this entry. The crux of the matter is closer to my heart. Should I approach my crush and perhaps succeed to develop chemistry. Subsequently, I then drop the “bomb” on her, that I may not have long to live? Is it fair then? Would she be in a state that is clear enough to make a well-informed choice? Ideal is this, like the watch advert some time back. It says “I don’t care much about eternity, but I care much of possessing it temporarily.” The dilemma is this; “I FREAKING CARE A LOT ABOUT ETERNITY.” I couldn’t care less to have something just to lose it. I want to lose something but then to have it. Starting this blog was not meant to just being able to pen my feelings, thoughts and experiences. The plain and simple purpose is this;

1) To share my experiences and HOPEFULLY somebody somewhere can learn from it.
2) To seek alternative bold views for advices of wisdom so as to grow as a person.

Sadly, the second purpose that I ardently desire is in great lack. Some comment personally about the length or profoundness of my entries. Yet none offer an alternative view. Friends, my heart is quite torn. To act on how I feel for the girl have two very real consequences that can make or break me. Ultimately I believe I should not rely only on the advices of Man but to seek Higher Advice. Then again, my God has worked through people before (and will still use them) to help me grow. These are the two consequences;

1) She’s attached and my heart feel like S*** only for a few days. (This MAYBE I can bear.)
2) She is NOT ATTACHED, then?? (Just Do it?)

Asking questions is one of the many ways to seek wisdom. I am in danger of asking to much and it cause me to have inaction. So friends, this is my dilemma. ADVICE ME!

Confused…again.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

I'm an emotional blob...

I am an emotional blob. I am proud to be one. Being hyper-sensitive has its plus points you know? In case you are wondering why I’m posting so often nowadays, I have a laptop. Company issued de. So I get to blog while in the train. Back to my emotional blob. The plus of being a sensitive man (don’t like the term SNAG), is I can empathize with a whole broad spectrum of emotions. Added with my counseling training, it sometimes irritates the hell out of me and threaten a lot of people around me. You see, most times I tend to over-analyze. And those who are damn insecure really believe I can read their minds (which I can’t). I just read in between the lines and a person’s body language. We are all walking billboards. When people see us they are actually seeing an advertisement. Notice the recent Navy’s advert recently. I find it very corny. Nobody’s life is actually that boring and plain. If you truly make the effort to find out a person, it’s actually better than reading a novel. Which means YOU DON’T HAVE TO JOIN THE NAVY to get an exciting life. I think everybody’s life has already way too much excitement. I could use some consistency. The rainbow of emotions I go through each day is really very overwhelming at times.

Please allow me to indulge myself. I want to tell about what’s going in my life now. You figure out if it is boring or not. I deal with people, a lot of different types of interesting people. In my work, I negotiate deals with the corporate high flyers. In my personal time, I volunteer to minister to the physically impaired and terminally ill. I figure since I am given the gift (some say curse) of being able to relate easily, I had better put it to good use. I like what I am doing now. Some close friends comment on what I am doing for myself though. Well…what do you think I am doing?? No one is truly altruistic lah. I am no saint myself. In work, play and ministries, I am actually doing all for myself. Though my gain may often time not come back in monetary form, I am still gaining a lot. I won’t try to explain what I gain to you because that would be too subjective. Anyway, my ability to feel emotions and comprehend it would sometime turn on me and become my stumbling block. Being way too philosophical about some stuff when it’s actually quite simple is very irritating. (My friends told me so.)

Ooh…somebody commented my blog is sooo long! Well…it’s my way of communicating lah. What do you think I’m called WindyG for!? It partially meant I’m very lor sor. The other part is a bit R-rated. Err…I think I am beating around the bushes here. I actually started with the purpose of wanting to pen down a VERY STRONG feeling. I think I am a bit paiseh lah. Okie…here goes nothing. I think I have a crush. An infatuation is a queer emotion to comprehend. It cannot be explained in logic and defy all common senses! The reasons it offer is too lame for my taste, but I still can’t help it. I remember I posted something about how I would like to be in love. I would like to GROW in love. Not FALL in love! S***! I’m late for work. As if my life would work out the way I want it. Duh… that’s the freaking problem! Most of the time we don’t get 100% of what we want, sometimes not even a freaking 50%! We can plan; scheme, plot, bargain, fuss, bitch, throw a fit and still life would dish out what it want to dish out. Like it or not, take it or leave it. Now now…I am not advocating that you should not plan, scheme, plot, bargain, fuss, and bitch, throw a fit and become a fatalistic IDIOT! Actually if you do all that you might get something close to what you desire (sometimes). Ask any women! They can testify to that (coz they do the most crying and bitching). Oops…I am being a bit sexist here.

Anyway, there is so much I don’t know about her. I know her name, and we attend the same church. I won’t be telling too much about her details even if I know. Sigh…looks like I’m all set to get my nose bloodied again. Every time langa wall de. Really need to commit more time in prayers over this. Ok…let see how should I go about this. THE FIRST MOST IMPORTANT THING! Find out if she’s even freaking available or not lah! Set…if she is then I will embark my boldest marketing project ever!!! The product and services? ME! ME! ME! That’s right! YEAH! Tell you what, if I find out she’s available, I will document my pursue ONLINE! Yup, unadulterated, unabridged and uncensored version. All I have to do is to pray hard that she never find out about this blog. Well…a least until I succeed…or fail ba. Wait patiently ok? Kekeke…muahahahaha!!!

Infatuated,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Insecurity

Insecurity…something that we all have. Just finished a long coffee session with a close friend. Gosh…we really talk. It’s now close to midnight and I’m on the train heading for home. It feels good to have somebody that is close to the heart. We talk about a lot of things today. We talked about life, friends, and work and even about SEX! With her I can be me. Yup she’s a she and I’m a he. A very platonic friendship. She is very attractive but no chemistry leh. I like it this way. Off-topic a bit, do you believe in pure platonic relationship? I do. I have plenty platonic relationships, but that’s another topic another day. You see, what strikes me in our conversation was when we were talking about insecurity. It’s a given about human beings. Give me some time with the strongest man (Emotionally) and I bet you I can break him. We were talking about how different people anchor themselves onto different things, people or circumstances. We talked about our own insecurities. Some derive their sense of security in power, some in fame, some in relationships and some in cold hard cash. We are all anchored to that something somehow, consciously or sub-consciously. No man is truly secure, even the greats. The difference is in how each individual deals and cope with their own insecurities (plural). The level of insecurity in each determines a lot about how one’s own life is leaded. The more insecure a person is, the more paranoid he behaves. I was once extremely insecure. I am still insecure but more or less have it under control. I believe that to be true for great and mature people as well. They learn where to and where not to place the security in. Let me put it this way; imagine a surgeon who is not an assuring one. Imagine him telling you all the things that might go wrong and he is absolutely unsure of his capabilities. Would you still be secured to put yourself under his knife?

Let’s face it, our feeling of being secure (safe) is based on what we know and how much we believe it. The earlier a child is exposed to doubts, the more likely he would become insecure in many areas. I was insecure because of my identity, my self-image. Growing up as a physically-impaired person made me unsure about a lot of things. Questions like do my parents really love me? Would the society accept me? Do people find me an inconvenient? Am I a burden and etc? The interaction that is birth from my insecurities only adds to it and wreck havoc in many occasions that is embarrassing. The need to feel safe is inherent in everyone. Though many tried masking it, it becomes futile when you witness their behavior when their objects of securities were forcibly taken away from them. They become irrational, depressive and at times may be violent too. Feeling truly secure meant having faith. And having faith sometimes mean you may not have all the facts but you believed it anyway. The irony is this; no one can be truly secure or have 100% faith. It is simply because the people and things that we put our security in is all temporal. The wise would know how much to place in order for them not to be disappointed when that security fails. So a food for thought...what makes you safe? Are you too dependent on it?? Would it crumble you when it’s gone?

Anchored Firm,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Make your own choice..

Just make sure it must agree with mine. Ironical and idiotic isn’t it? Such is the state of society now, where everyone and anyone learns/practices assertive communication for everyday situations. You push me? I will push back harder. Grace is so lame now. It is only for the weak, perceived by the strong as foolishness. Take for an example of the recent Palestinian elections. When they made their choice, the world frowns on it, though they advocate democracy. More like hypocrisy to me. It’s like emotional blackmail. I kid you not that it’s everywhere. My past experience with a certain dame still makes me shudder by the thoughts of it. She says it’s alright if I don’t do what she wants me to do. Just don’t expect a cuddle for the rest of my life until I do whatever she wants me to do. Well…sigh…damn if I don’t, damn if I do right?

Even children are so skilled in their assertive skills! I’m not surprise though coz they are the ones that we adults learned this skill from. Or was it the other way round? These bring to my main point. Non-acceptance or being plain disrespectful of other people’s choices just proclaims a character flaw…downright immature. I seen people advocating an individual’s right to self-determination, or hear of countries proudly saying that they have a strong policy of non-interference in other countries’ businesses. Then suddenly the individual find himself thinking he can't feel secure at his own backyard and suddenly having countries slapping him upside down with sanctions here, there and everywhere! DUH! Let’s face it, whatever decisions that an individual or society makes will have its consequences. It’s foolishness to expect complete approval from everybody for each decision we make. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. We can’t please everybody yet everybody is still trying to! (Me, included.)

We all want acceptance. One way or another, we make every attempt to get it. The recent debacle of a video that manages to get itself into circulation causes much grief to the “star” of it. So much has been said of it and much that was supposed to be said not said. Whatever the cause, lets help to let it pass. I pray she finds courage to move on. We still have a choice. I once told my kids this and still stand by it with convictions. “If the whole world thinks you are a winner and yet you think you are a loser. Then you are a loser. If the whole world think you are a loser, and yet you believe you can persevere and win. You are a winner…in the making.” It doesn’t really matter if you have yet to win now. It only matter the day you cross that finish line.

I had been silent for a long time. Maybe it’s only that I have nothing good to say. Perhaps I was in grief…perhaps I am stressed…whatever the case I chose to be silent. Through the days of my silence, I realized one critical habit that I lost on the way. A very good habit that would need me to put in effort to pick it up again. That is to stop…to stop and smell the flowers. Well… I shall leave it as that. Until I remember to smell the flowers, live well and prosper.

“Soli Deo Gloria”
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

People of the Lie

We are living in a world filled with painful lies. I’ll give you that. Yet the biggest lie that we’ll ever tell is of the lie we would tell ourselves. Looking to the left or the right, to the front or the back would not change the fact. This is the irony…we are all suckers for pain. We know when it will come yet we are ready to embrace it. We know we won’t exit for the better, yet we will accept it. Why? By my opinion, the answer is quite simple. If only we know better. We chose not to see beyond the horizon. We wouldn’t swallow the knowledge of there would never be light beyond our feet (We will only be able to see the next step. That is all!). We would not accept that there will always be things beyond our control. We then fatalistically and irresponsibly relinquish control of what we can. Why do we torture ourselves so? Let me know…if you know.

Do you live life as a passing cloud? Do you not asked what joy or sorrows tomorrow would bring? I so would pity you should you not ask! I so would despise you should you allow a life lived in vain! What would you give for a life of greatness? Look what you given in exchange for mediocrity! I believed that there is only one life, and in a twinkle it will past. What would then be left of you other than ashes and dust? We each chose by our words and actions the path we take. Yet I found many blame life of the given fair share. The truth is plain and bitter. WE EACH CHOSE!

There is nothing quite as painful as hearing the truth. We enjoy and bask in the lies that cloak us in darkness. I know not the answer that I seek in my lifetime. Woe is to me that my heart allows no truth! Woe then to me that I will love in vain. Woe is also to the world deprived of my best. Woe also is my loves that will never be secure. Woe is to my “wisdom” that will never be remembered. Alas then I am left to exclaim Vanity! Vanity! Everything but Vanity! I won no life but wasted its youth foolishly. I know not of love for I found none as it avoid the despiser. I know not God when forsook His teaching I Did! I know not me for I am lost in the woven maze of self-deceit. Set up only by no other but me! What then do I know? What then knows me? Only by grace given freely that would see to my freedom. Freedom that would not subject itself to the depraved mind. Freedom desired without bias. Freed of bondages that bond through lies and scheming. Freed we would then could see the world that still do shines.

Alas again through flowery words I found no rest. I settle only to know I am spinning again. Spun is this web of complex nonsensical logic. Yet no matter, no matter its effect. Truth will prevail Yes! It Will prevail.


A Person of the Lie.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Please dream again...

I like to day dream. I dream of faraway places, of green meadows, an ideal life partner, an action movie scene, you name it I dreamt it. It’s funny when people notice me smiling for nothing when I’m on the train. Why do we day dream? Well. perhaps it's because our current situation is not up to the mark. It’s not where we would like it to be. Maybe it’s just that one more pay raise, or the car you’ll have been eyeing for a long time, or the gal you want to ask out for a date. Without vision a man is no different from a zombie. Without hope we perish. Without dreams there is no more tomorrows. I have a close friend that once told me he’s praying for the rapture everyday coz there is nothing on earth he wants anymore. Even the Apostle Paul exclaims that for him to die is gain.

I love life. Yes it’s hard most (some say all) of the time, I’m loving it. Are you afraid of death? If you are then most likely you still love your life. There’s much to love about life. My reason is simple. Every day is a different day, the potentials and possibilities are limitless. I’ve seen life slowly leaving a person. I hold the hands of many dying men that wish they just have that one minute more, one day more, one week more or even a year more. I too seen the hopeless, and lifeless that wish their lives would just end this very minute. How people arrive to such hopeless state? Where did their faith go? Most curiously, where did their dreams go? Did all of it vanish overnight? Surely not! We all have different experiences in life. I will not play down anybody’s hurts and pains. Still, I believe there is always a silver lining that is there. In my moments of deep valleys, I could never see the opening to sierra. That however did not shake my faith in knowing it is there.

Your hopes is your sail that catches the wind when it’s come. Is your sail up? Your motivation is your oars that push on when there is no wind. Are you still pushing? Your goals is your compass to guide in the mist of the storm. Is the compass in your pocket?

Please allow me to share with you another perspective. Recently I was given the privilege to hear of dreams that is both passionate and inspiring. Their dreams were so simple yet they are so sincere. They did not wish for big cars or big houses. They speak with conviction of wanting to be a librarian, a small bookshop owner and etc. And the most amazing thing is not what they want, but why they want it. They want what they want because they want it for another. Stupid? I beg to differ! You see, they were like me, a physically impaired. They were much younger and more innocent though. Their untainted minds speak of the trials and testing that would break a soldier's heart. Their desire for independence was propel by their wanting to give back to the wonderful parents who gave much to them. They learned to love because they were loved first.

At that very moment I wish so much that they were on national TV! I felt so small among them. Their hearts are so big and full of life. It felt so surreal that I can’t help but wonder if they were ever in pain or had their hearts broken. You can bet your life that they did! But they came out strong! They still believe! If they didn't then life holds nothing of value for them anymore. I remember when I was young like them, I had always looked at the children playing in the field and thought "If only..". My mum would then always nudge me to look at the less fortunate. That's why they love life. That why we love life. If life gave us exactly what we want and when we want it, then there is no joy in the hunt. The essence of life is in the pursue of dreams and destiny. Chase...fight...then triumph. See then where you went, and enjoy the fruits of your dreams.

Live long and prosper,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

The Seven Deadly Sins – Rage

Lately I have been quite a short fuse. Anybody know any good anger management course? I think I’m born angry. I have the right to be angry than all the “normal” people on the streets. In fact, I think sometime I border on being psychopathically angry. Living in a face-paced demanding society like Singapore gave me plenty of opportunities to be angry. That lead me to think about the fruits/consequences of anger. I know love produce love, faith produce hope, joy produce peace but what anger produce then? Well a lot it does produce my young padwan.. In my bible (the last I check), it reminds me not to sin in my anger. With that it plainly states, it give birth/produce sins. History has seen its share of angry men. From Mao Tse Tung, Hitler and to the most recent terrorists, anger’s fruits are everywhere. It has contributed substantially to change the face of the world. At the cost of many lives, dreams, hopes, property and etc. It killed the next Einstein, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and nailed my Christ to the cross. A friend commented that bitterness with someone is likening to drinking poison and hoping that someone dies. Simply put it, anger is being counter-productive.

On observing the many great men (that I’m blessed to have as a part of my life), one of their common traits are that they are extremely slow to anger. Their discipline to control their emotions amazes me. These men are in their grey years, which only motivate me to learn their secrets faster and younger. To have anger in a moment is quite fine, but to act in anger has proven itself to be destructive. To err is human, to forgive divine. That means counting to ten actually puts my mind back to perspective. To have perspective in the mist of an emotional high (anger) is quite a feat to accomplish. Have you heard of the Holy Wrath? To me that’s a different kind of anger. It is laced with a whole lot of kindness. It acts for the betterment to the object of anger. It is loud with patience, firm with principles, ignorance to history, constructive with actions, clear in instructions, lawful to consequences and many more. To have experience Holy Wrath plainly means not having our brain shoved up our asses in our times of anger.

Back to what really pissed me off recently. I was pissed at a friend that betrayed my trust. Pissed with the public that wouldn’t give way to disabled in a lift. Pissed at the cabby that zoom me by when I needed him. Pissed at my sibling whose life mission is to make my life miserable. Pissed at my client that is unreasonable. Pissed at myself for being caught in the rain (again). Do you want me to go on? I doubt so because I believe you would have yours to add.

“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26 NIV)."

It really says a lot doesn’t it. At the end of the day, I am accountable for my actions. Though the law may take provocation as a defense for the insulted to kill the insulter, I really wish we get a grip of our hearts and not let it run amok. Most importantly I want to get a grip. Can I do it on my own? I seriously doubt so. Look around you, especially the elders in your life. They learn to "忍" means to have a knife in your heart and yet remain in control.

Peace unto you.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Acceptance

No man is an island. No man lives for himself. No man answer to nobody. We each shoulder a certain level of responsibility on how people view our lives. Like it or not we are all look up or down upon by somebody out there. As a child we behave like a child and deserves what the behavior beget. As an adult thus we must behave as one and must not blame how we are viewed upon however negative it may be. I commented in a past entry on the judgment of the world pressuring us to conform to a mold. I do note now that it is hard not to conform. Everyone wants recognition in one form or another. Some seek for it unabashedly while some only yearn for it with a longing in the heart. We all want to be loved, to be hold, to be reassured that we are doing fine. Some deny that they need it but we all can still "see" that need no matter how its vehemently denied. I seen some going to great extend to get this assurance, abet being mocked and persecuted she would still cling on to the security however unreal it may be.

Don't look at this entry and pretend you do not know what I'm talking about. You want to be accepted! So do I... As a disabled my effort to attain the same level of results compared to a normal being is doubled or more. So the same is my need to be accepted. I have done and said many stupid things to get the attention. Perhaps i am still doing so now. I am more assured of myself now. I found myself having security on higher things. Wanting to be recognized is still very much a part of my character. It's only more suppressed and many better things took reign now.

It is OK to want acceptance. However..the simple truth is this. YOU ARE ALREADY ACCEPTED! It's just whether you choose to believe it or not. Acceptance of ourselves is the small step we all must take in order to be at peace. I do want to add this though, accepting ourselves doesn't mean that we overlook or not work on our obvious flaws. It only means we are confident of who we are and what we are improving on. Acceptance is not and never should be a license to sin. The next time when you look at the mirror again, note what is the first thought that come through your mind. I hope you are thus at peace.

Shalom,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S: Happy Valentine's Day

Knowing me, knowing you...uh huh?

Hehe...second time get to write today. Hmm...dunno why but i just feel like penning some sudden passing thoughts. Was reading some of my friend's profile and realize that there were so many things i do not know about them. Sad ya? I thought so too. Very thankful thus far of the kind of people that passes through my life. Sure there some pretty weird ones, but on the whole i have no complains. There are some people that i would like to know better. You know...in the "better" sense? If you don't ahh...i won't explain it.

It's certainly a blessing to have good friends and too a freaky time to have bad ones. One particular sister in my church wrote in her profile about her conscious decision on staying away from negative people. I think that is a very responsible decision.I recently had to literally ask an ex-friend to get out of my life. I did that in the coldest sense possible...via SMS. I have done this a couple of times now and find it reaping loads of benefits for my sanity sake. Then on reflection, i wonder if anyone wishes me out their lives too.

I had to tell this recent human being to get out of my life cause she was doing way too many damage in my mental well-being. The correct word to use was that she is very draining. Every time after a conversation with her, i feel like sh**t. A wife of a very dear friend too commented about me being emotionally draining to her husband. Of course she didn't tell me directly...her husband did. Then i asked her husband if it was true...well, I will that part for a later date. Its is true that we at times is a burden to our friends. Its truly amazing when some people don't feel like a burden at all! I have a friend that I am honor too listen her yak about some troubles she is going through yet I do not feel burden! Yet there are also some pathetic ones that you loathe to be in the same room with. Their words...well...how should I put it? Oh yes...with the Chinese proverb; "A dog's mouth will never grow elephant's tusk." They are the type that nothing good ever comes out of their mouths! And when they do say something good, you still don't feel convince! It ended up sounding sarcastic and demeaning.

Oops...way pass bedtime. Gotta work tomorrow. Will continue this post at a later date. See ya.

Continuing on a my train of thoughts on this entry is pretty tough. At the end of the day, i understand that for people to know me better, i have to stick out my neck to know people first. Finding my social skills rather rusty nowadays. Except in a business setting i find it tough to talk about anything else. Sigh...help me along will ya?

Trying to be a good friend
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Addicts Addicted 2 Addictions

We are all addicted to that something. It is like the thorn in our flesh. Without it we claim perfection, we then claim pure control in our life. The irony is this; we are not perfect and never will be perfect. Like it or not, we are all addicts. We are either mildly addicted or obsessively addicted. Addiction is the psychological compulsion to carry on a consistent behavior or action that is repetitive and at most times destructive. Let’s face it, nobody likes to be labeled or even admit to be an addict. It proclaims irritatingly loud of our character flaws. It breaks the illusion of control that we diligently weave around ourselves. Though I said that everyone have an addiction of sought, the type of addiction that will truly wreak havoc is the one that prevent normal daily functions. In all addictions there is to be found the one common objective, the objective to satisfy the cravings of the flesh. As each time passes with an individual satisfying an immediate craving, he is knowingly weakening himself to fight off the next. Thus, the vicious cycle continue indefinitely. Until he resolves to break away from this pattern or the environment drastically changed to prevent him from repeating the pattern, he would not be able to break out. It is easier to change the environment that the pattern take place in than to remain in that environment with a “decision” to break free.

Recently my pride was confronted with a serious addiction. It reduces me to a mere whining blob that wouldn’t care less of any consequences. My mind switches to the “live for the moment” mode and totally screws up any sliver of sanity that I may have left. I realized that I became unreasonably unreasonable with a ridiculous disregard of tomorrows. Such is the result of all addictions, do it now…regret it later. The correct word to use is Instant Gratification. In this instant noodle society of ours, we are met with addictable opportunities at every turn we make. It is there when we work, its there when we play. So then how are we to remain a non-addict? The answer is quite simple…find another addiction. Yup…you read right. Unfortunately, our brain is unlike the computer’s harddisk that can be reformatted at a click. To beat an addiction, you have to replace it with another. I am always disturbed by the general expressions of the public when they learn about another individual’s struggles with an addiction. Their “its so stupid to be addicted to that” stupid looking face together with “I’m holier than thou, coz I got no addiction” smirk makes me feel like giving them an anal probe that makes them shit out their addiction. Hey! Come on! Wake Up! You are not of any help when your encouragement to quit sounds more like a B rated movie with clichés that would even irritate the saintly. For an addict to find a way out of the addiction, he must first admit it that it is a problem. No amount of doom saying or threats can make him stop. On the contrary, unconditionally acceptance of him may produce a much more desirable result. Through the relationship you build, it may lead him to enlighten of the destructive effect it has on him and the people around him. The modification of any behavior thus has to start from the heart.

To err is human, to forgive is divine. The tendency for any addict though is a callous heart that forgives himself in a split second. So I subscribe to a belief that a small dose of self-condemnation is healthy. It keeps the heart and the mind in sync and bring about repentence. Having said that, we can’t have too much of anything. Moderation is an art. To wield it skillfully is to be sensitive to know when it is the appropriate time to wield it. There are instants where moderation should no have any footing nor any hint of its presence whatsoever. (e.g.: being a moderate drug addict…duh!) Enough said, so the proverbial question continue…To be or not to be? In each man lies his own responsibility to question life and to balance his quest for significance in his existence. His rights to live as he please is his own. Unless, this right infringes on other people or the society at large (rights), Until then…let the man live as he chose ok??


Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

A Last Tribute

Thank you, Eugene.

You have taught me true humility with your life.

I wrote the following post on the 1st of January 2006, but removed it on 2nd January 2006 to respect the grief of his friends and relative. He is a great man and friend. He blessed and taught life. And this is my last tribute to him. I have many regrets for the things I have not told him. Sadly, this regrets will be with me for the rest of my life. Till I see you again brother....

Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

On 1st January 2006 at 4:45pm, a dear friend passed away. It is his new beginning at a happier place. I am not trying to be morbid as I truly believe that for him to die is gain. He suffered and fought for three years with his sickness. He fought a good fight and finished the race. He kept the faith. I wish I knew more about him. I wish I had spent more time with him. Right now, it is only important to me to know, if I could or should carry on the legacy he left behind. His passing signifies a beginning of another chapter of this fragile life of mine. Where will I go? What will I do? I don’t know yet. One thing I’m sure, that all things work out for the good for those who love Him. Thus, I must hold on to that love.

He lived his life plainly and with honor. He is gracious and humble. Bearing all, he remains generous to the last. He knew what matters to him and focused on it. After telling his passing to my mum; (whom I depend on for wisdom), she then made a profound statement that I believe will set the next course of action for me in this New Year. She said that whatever troubles, no matter how hard it is when we are going through it; it’s all going to end one day. That statement made my problems seems small. It made it easier to fight them. I met with my mentor in the evening of his passing. There I said to him… Whatever won’t matter, will never matter no matter how I want it to matter. Whatever matter, will matter regardless how much I want it to not matter. Confused? Go sit on it. Life is profoundly complicated yet it is also loudly simple. How I chose to see it will determine the actions I chose to take and thus determine the outcomes I cause to happen. In the end, there is no one left to blame. Maybe that sums up the problems of our lives. We all love to put the blame on something or someone. We want to absolve ourselves. Sadly, we can’t. We are the sum of our own choice. Whether we made those choices consciously or sub-consciously doesn’t matter. The fact is we made those choices.

With his passing, I learn to embrace life, to live more thankfully and to love more passionately. I will remember him for as long as I live. He will teach me when I fall, and encourage me that it is alright. I am grateful to what he sees in me that I couldn’t. His legacy left an imprint in my heart. I might be needed to shoulder a responsibility I might not be able to bear. But I will bear it if called upon. Until then, I stand ready not by my own strength, but by His Grace and with the faith of a dear friend. Godspeed my friend, I will see you soon. Intercede in prayer with our Savior for the people you left behind. Know and believe what you have done in your lifetime is not in vain. Pray for strength in our hearts when we miss you. And for wisdom when we fall short. You lived well but now you must rest. Till my journey too come to an end, I will see you and thank you personally for your life lived well.

a brother
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG