Price of my Soul

"As we become more conscious that faith develops in stages, we also come to some practical conclusions. For example, we may need to learn patience and realize that some things are beyond our control: It may simply take a certain amount of time, and even trial-and-error, to get from one stage to another. We need to trust that God is in the often uneven process of our growth in faith. Therefore, it's okay to feel conflict, fear and doubt or to face hard questions. This may even be our cue to reach out to others for help and guidance, which is already a sign of growth." ~Jonathan Swift

I'm frustrated. Very frustrated. By the things that i know i should not do but yet wanted very much to do. The inner turmoil has become excruciatingly unbearable. Self-control. That word is the only thing that grasp me from taking that leap. If i just compromise once...it will never stop nor end......

I am a Christian, not a saint. Lame excuse huh? I ponder much...deliberate much...and control much. Yet I'm frustrated. A good friend asked,"Why is the tree in Eden call The tree of Good and Evil?" Why not just call it the tree of evil since it brought on the downfall of man? The tree is good by its existence. Its is evil by the choice man made. For goodness to have substance and meaning, evil must exist. If there is no evil then what is good? We are the sum of our experiences and choices that we made throughout a lifetime. Experiences mold us, choices builds the foundation for the mold.

Its never easy to say "No!" Those who do not struggle through a deliberate painful process sell their soul cheap. The attitude of living for the moment and heck with consequences is just plain willful childishness. A balance character count the cost. God knows the price. He paid for it. Do I know the cost? Can i afford to say yes/no? I think i just need a real cold shower. To fall for the temporal pleasure with eternal dread is just not worth it. It merely scratches the surface with the root festering towards condemnation. Hang on my friend. There is more to come. Just breath deeply and plough on. You can do more than survive.

In heat,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG