Power of words...

Words that enlighten are more precious than jewels." - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Did wonder what I hope to achieve by posting my thoughts on the blog. Do I want the attention? Maybe... Do I want fame like the infamous blogger Xiaxue? Perhaps... I want the change the world through it? Unlikely...Then what i truly want?? Perhaps this will be sufficient...

To live,
To learn
and to leave a legacy...

I don't need to be a genius to figure out that I can't keep what I get in life forever. Its what I gave that might remain a longer time after I am long gone. My thoughts, my word and perhaps my deeds. Can one man truly change the world? Nope...but change can start from one man. Its the legacy that he leaves behind that continues to inspire people to build on the foundation he first laid. Every man that made history was born through thought. A thought that things/ways/ situations can be better or it can be worse. Even my Faith believe in a God that creates with His thought first which follows through with His Word. Thus, a word is very powerful. It can start and end wars. It can heal or break a soul. To be a fluent wielder of words, he must too know the strength of his words. To utter words irresponsibly is too seek destructions. To seek destructions, well... then he becomes what I term as a low-life.

As counsellors, it is a habit we must cultivate. A habit to tame and watch our tongues. Sadly, we are fallible and soon will find our words having an undesirable irreversible effect that might become permanent. What can words do, you may ask. Consider this, we are the sum of what goes on around us. You are who you are when you chose to believe the first words uttered to you. The many "stupids", "useless" and "good-for nothing" spoken to a young mind by the very person that bore him is clearly traumatic and sicken my very soul. Life in its imperfect state is depressing enough. Why add on? When I will my every sinews on my face and spake empowerment, I was never disappointed. However, a uncontrolled word in time of anger...well...made me want to literally eat my words. So leave a word here...I assure you it will not come back void.

Taming my tongue,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

A love letter...

"True love" isn't so much a dreamy feeling that you have as it is an enduring commitment to give sacrificially --even, or perhaps especially, when you don't feel like it. -- William R. Mattox, Jr.

Found a painful email that i wrote a long time ago. Felt funny reading it again. The feelings did flood back though...yup...it was heart wrenching. Too much lonely people in the world tonight, but i am not one of them. I am alone yet not lonely. In love and yet out of it. Ironic isn't it? Until the day the "true" someone walks into my live, i will live to be contented.To be loving yet not loved. To live as a whole though i am in part.

Love,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S: Mock Not the Words Nor Despise the Passion.
Grieve if you not love with Whole Heart and Action.~ WindyG

Dear “someone”,

I have now cried myself tearless. I know not of the true purpose of this email except it might be to let out what is tormenting me. As I write, I felt my heart ripped out... with someone stomping on it without mercy. To not hurt you is to endure such pain. Your accusation of me not loving you enough to let you go breaks me. What then am I suppose to do? What then are we suppose to do? You say I’m too emotional (why does it surprise you?)…well I say I’m just being human. To silence these feelings is to purge myself of all emotions. Then what difference am I with the beasts that roam the land or a lifeless corpse? I have loved you with all my heart. Ironically, I have no heart with me now. Your words of encouragement now have no effect on me. What now pushes me to go on are only the obligations of my debts to you and my guilt. What will then happen to me when all these obligations are met? Will I be able to find another source of strength? Will you then dishes out model answers of what I should be doing for myself? Though you once said that I’m too complicated.. and too “romantic”. I dare say to you now that I’m not. I’m just an idealist that tries with all his might to live out a life that he believes in.

Sadly, love is something that I believe in too much. What will life be like without such a frivolous feeling? Are human beings just destined to be like passing clouds not living life to its fullest? If my life is to be so shallow then I rather not live such a life. I tried my best to let you go, and I believe I will someday. But please stop stomping on my faith and everything else that I believed wholeheartedly. You ask me what I love about you once. I believe I can now give you an answer. I love you for what you can become. Not what you are now! Not what people think you are! Not what you think you are! But what you can become! Each time I look at you I see the potentials beyond the flaws and impurities that everyone might see and also has. I see your weakness as opportunities to be molded into strengths. Then what makes it so different now? Does it mean you have no potential without me? NO! Your potentials still exists!

It greatly saddens me that I will not be a part of your life anymore. My heart shrivels each time its reminded that you chose the broad and easy path. You wanted the roses but rejected the thorns. You want to see heaven but reject physical death. I admit that life is hard. It is hard for everyone! As much as I do not want it hard for you, my heart aches to the point of despair to know that you have given up. Perhaps, then my own struggle in your words, is my own business. All I wanted was to love you. To call you and love you as mine. Is that really to much to ask for?? Perhaps it is… I’m sorry for ever being a part of your life. But I will never regret that you were once a part of mine. Please forgive me once again for my rudeness yesterday. I can’t promise you that it won’t happen again and I won’t. All I want you to know is I did love you. I do not know what else to say. Whatever should be said was said. Whatever shouldn’t been said was also said. No matter how many sorry I offer it will never erase the fact that you were once in love with me and I with you. Please take care of yourself.

An unintended pest.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Major on the major...

"The man who is sure of his direction in life needs not convince anyone his ways. He just lead." ~WindyG

Heck i'm so freaking busy! So up to my nose in work and shit that i dunnoe what the heck i'm doing sometimes. Everything seems so urgent and important that it becomes not important nor urgent. Was relegated to become a data entry clerk just because i was too greedy. Erm...i am still greedy. In my effort to take all, i risk taking nothing at all. Such is the shithole i manage to dig for myself. Blessed with a good partner recently though...but i shall not say too much about it now less i jinx it. ARGGHH!!

Silent scream...getting good at it too. What they say ah? oh...still waters run deep. Must will myself so. Its hard to be self-employed. The roles to play are too confusing. When to kick or fire an ass? What to do when nobody else noes what's going on except me? Hiaz...can someone just pay me SGD$6,000/mth and i work for him??? Everyone demands from me and i demand from who??? My workers?? Heck! They are demanding more from me then i of them!! Dun understand...Must focus. Must major on the major and let the kahkia minor on the minor. *Deep breath...go to sleep. Start another good fight tomorrow.

Employed by my employees.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

What turns you on?

"Populus vult decipi. - The people want to be deceived"

"I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man." - Chang-tzu

Been refreshing myself of the assortment of personality types recently. Was intrigue with the kinds of people i managed to attract and repulse. It sought of dawn on me that they were perhaps the results of my behavior i exhibit and the personality vibes i send. A corny friend once comment that a person is either garbage or a blossoming flower. Garbage attracts flies, rats, cockroaches...you get the point. As for flowers? Go figure. That got me thinking. Why people respond to me the way they are responding to me? And why i respond to them the way i respond to them?

Psychology once enlighten me that behavior begets behavior. It is a science. Being a science, it would have to fulfill certain laws. The important one is that it is measurable and its results can be duplicated through a controlled experiment. Basically, 1+1 remaining constants will = to 2. Okay...away with the boring lecture. With whatever is left from my academic years, i decayed to subscribing to an irrational logic. Murphy's Law. Simply state; "When you think you got someone figure out, then you know nothing." Ironic, isn't it?

Anyway, after one freaking round i realized i know nothing. Human beings' characteristics fascinates me. Even my own! At the end of the day, i learn one important lesson that i hope will stay with me a long time. The lesson? NEVER CARRY A EGO! It is a great big fat liability in relationship management. How i come to that revelation? Go figure. Its a lesson that must be learned without anyone teaching.

huh?
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

I still have dreams...

"All of our dreams can come true -- if we have the courage to pursue them." -- Walt Disney

Don't you? Or your dreams had been reduced to a smothering wick? It’s hard to keep dreams nowadays isn’t it? There are always so many dreams snatchers everywhere. No lack of people that is around to tell us to get “real” or “grow up”. Perhaps we really did become real or had grown up, but at what cost? Is it worth our dreams? I once dreamt big ambitions dreams, sadly they are smothering now. Whatever sliver of it I can hang on to, I hung on as if for my very own life. It’s too sad to live a life without hopes or dreams. I yearn too for the encouragements I need to fight the dreams snatchers. Sadly, life on its own provides nay such thing. It’s harder when you have the odds against you, or so you claim. Those who achieved their dreams never did really have the heavens in their favour. They merely look at the odds (even the bountiful against them) and boldly challenged it.

I presumed that society had rest on its tooshies and it’s so much easier to go with the flow than swim upstream. What a sad state! At what state am I in then? Am I too complacent or weary or disillusion or whatever to fight that good fight? NO! I refuse to be so! There is so much at stake as each passing day drains the limited time I have. I envy those who hold no dreams close to their bosom. Their life’s passing would barely make a whimper. I would go kicking and screaming should Death come knocking now. Such is the state of my life. Such is my hunger. A focus point to cast my eyes upon is all I need. A firm hand that reaches out to help with genuine care for what I want to achieve. A ready mind that challenge all my strays. A discipline steadfast rod that moves me with love, not anger. Such is the person you and I need. Such is the person I found though now I hold on to only a sliver.

Not by might nor power…
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG