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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

XiaXue

Link: Why are you worshipping the ground I blog on?.

Recently I found myself “infatuated" with a character on Bloggerland. Infatuated as in fascinated, not in the lovey dovey sense. A character that brought out the investigative psychologist in me. Leaving me wanting to know more than what’s on the surface. Her nick is XiaXue. A well oiled PR machine that is confident to the point of haughtiness. She seems to play the many expected roles of hers with precision and portray a personality which demands that the world revolve around her. Truly I believe there’s more. A no doubt street smart lady, who expertly wields a mean tongue that can build or destroy any individual. Dare I cross her? I hope not. She’s the type that I would love to have on my side in a war. I can’t help but wonder though, about her adapted self behind the walls of Bloggerland. Is she as confident and bitchy as claimed? How she behaves under pressure? How deep or painful are her true thoughts?

My lecturer once cautions the class that everyone has a sad story to tell. That they are liken to onions, the more you peel, the more you’ll cry. Perhaps…perhaps not. If true to his statement, then I presumed that many would deny or hide their cans of worms. Is it right then for me to open it? What right do I have? Are they better of if it were never to be open? A dilemma for a counselor. I have seen far too many that burned out with their high maintenance façade. Perhaps I too will someday. Expression Vs. Repression. React Vs. Respond. The psychological toll which each individual pays to assume a desired position in society can be too costly for some. To be who you really are is deemed bold and courageous by the timid. Perhaps that's why she's so popular. She voiced out what many dare not say, hidden in their hearts. Bravo Xiaxue! I wish you never need to conform but to boldly transform the world.

A light-hearted thought then came…wanna loan my wheelchair and give it a spin? It's not pink though. :P

10 reasons Why XiaXue would love to sit on a wheelchair…for 5mins.

1) More people will look at her.
2) Guys will treat her like a princess.
3) She do not need to queue for anything most of the time.
4) She’ll have an almost exclusive use of a roomy toilet.
5) She can mow down people that get in her way.
6) She doesn’t need a seat on the MRT.
7) She becomes the ultimate shopping cart.
8) She gets free rides from great but rare cab drivers.
9) She can throw a hissy and no one would fault her.
10) She imagines she is sitting on a throne.

Why only for 5mins? She realized…

1. She’ll be even shorter. (With her face at butt level.)
2. Guys treat her like a princess out of pity.
3. Everyone “look” and “talk” down to her. (Gets her neck strained.)
4. She’ll become flat-chested with manly biceps.
5. The pushing ruins her nails.
6. The handicapped toilets are always used by non-handicap and it’s rarely pink.
7. Most shops are not accessible for fat ass wheelchair.
8. She’ll get asthmatic, sweaty and oily.
9. Cabs shun her like they flee from a ghost.
10. She’ll put on 10 kilos.

From Each His Best,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S:...I know my blog is boring, writing about Xiaxue is not meant to up my readership, but to tell my kids I read her blog. (Hey…why am I defending myself before I’m accused???...insecure idiot. *mumble mumble…fart..) Anyway, my kids loves her and made me promise I read. Have to read, if not I'm really an antique ler and dunnoe what the heck they talking about.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Murphy's Law

"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig." -- Folk saying

The sum of Murphy's Law...If anything can go wrong, it will. What a fatalistic statement! Then again, I can't disagree more. Hate to admit it that it is somewhat true or else my life would pretty much lived in vain. Experience a full brunt of Murphy's Law a couple of days back. Whacked left, right and center till I don't know the way home. Did a full report with a bigshot director and I end up not knowing what I'm talking about. A presentation to a cute marketing exec got me stammering like an old fool. Eeeek!!! What am I doing???

Here's my contribution to Murphy's Criminalistic Law."When you think you can get away with it, thats when you'll be caught red-handed."~MikeG. Who gave me the bloody idea that its a "foolproof" plan! Well...at least it was until some "smart" fool came along and screwed me. Sigh...there's no such thing as foolproof, or is there? Really don't know what to do with the stupid report. A big bang with no ends. I guess that the way it works. Somebody should have knock me off my haughty pedestal donkey years ago. Where is that somebody!

Since I'm in the topic of THE "somebody", got another Murphy's Law to add about women. "When you think you got them figured out, they crash and dumbfound you with something new." Bah! *Bang wall with head. What in the world are they! Are they human beings at all! I know. I know...I'm all over the place with this blog and you might be clueless at what I'm trying to say. Well...its me blog...and I'm just blogging my thoughts. Go read up on Murphy's Law and perhaps you be as confused as I am. Sigh...

More Murphy's Law for the disabled.

1) When you need the handicapped toilet, there is bound to be somebody in there that's not suppose to be in there.

2) When you need the lift, everyone else will cramp in first leaving you nuts.

3) When you need a seat on the MRT, everyone suddenly fell asleep.

Bah humbug...
Michael Kuan a.k.a. WindyG

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Scheiße! Me "boss" is back!

Dun really feel like blogging today. Was trying to remember the sweet Saturday that i had before the dreaded Monday came and blacken my life. Troubles of working for an MNC, of which one of them is that if you walk through a row of cubicles, you will be sure there you'll come out with all kinds of thingy firmly stuck in your back. A nice colleague caution me nicely to stay off me "boss's" back coz he's having a bad mood (though he's in K.L). She had to add though that the questions i ask people are always open ended which requires an answer in an essay form. That she says is irritating and could get me in big trouble with the "boss". Sorry lah! I was train as a counselor what! What good am i as a counselor if i only manage to get my counselee to answer my questions with "yes" n "no"?!

Anyway, the "boss" is coming back and I'm dreading the minutes and seconds as it gets closer. Gotta report and review everything that i have done. Which in turn gonna decide whether if i am gonna keep my job...or not. My "boss" is actually not my boss. He's my client. I don't work in an MNC. I work for an MNC. Which moron told me it's cool to be self-employed? Erm...i think I am that moron. I am a forced-by-circumstances entrepreneur. I had worked as an employee before, but all i gotten are shriveled balls when i watch with envy of those who climb the corporate ladder with a good pair of legs. And if i might add, I AM SMARTER THAN THEM! Haiz...if this happen in U.S.A i would be a millionaire by now. I could just join any firm, then sue the pants out of them when they even dare to "hiccup" discrimination. Sadly that would not be the case coz I'm in Singapore...the tiny dot.

Hiaz...

I think if i sigh one more time i would deflate. It's hallelujah on Sat and now its sux sux sux on a Thursday nite. Hehe...but tomlow Friday you know? T.G.I.F!!! If i can get pass tomorrow i can get pass anything! Gotta go now. Go play "corporate ping pong". You know the game that you write someone an email and c.c it to ten other people, and see that email that bounce everywhere with no one wanting to make the decision? Oh...you know! Welcome to the club! Smell the cheese and run like a rat!

A dumb rat
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S: My blog sux..go read this one coz she's more interesting. http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I don't know much...

"As we grow older the world becomes stranger, the pattern more complicated of dead and living. Not the intense moment isolated, with no before and after, but a lifetime burning in every moment." - T.S. Eliot, "East Coker"

But I know I am alive! I am alive! I am alive! Hehe…this post is just a blabbering post. Just feel like blogging crap. Hmm…oh yeah. The I am alive thingy is just a happy thought that run through my mind the whole of today. Some Professor professed that I wouldn’t live pass twenty-five on one kidney. Well…I’m still ALIVE at 29 going on 30! Take that! Hah! Just kenna operated on for the 28th time last month. Remember feeling kinda freaked out before going into the theatre. But heck, I’m always freaked out before I go under the knife. Despite all, I feel that life is good. I have a good family, friends that care, work that satisfy, and yada yada etc, etc. :P

My mummy once said and I kid you not, that nothing is absolute until I believe and make it so. She’s been the pillar of my life and also the source of my strength. Sure she nags, whose mum doesn’t. But through her life and sacrifices I saw what life is really all about. It’s not about the material riches I can accumulate or the fame and power I seize. It’s only about what I can leave behind after I am long gone. I know life is not a bed of roses, and don’t judge me as a kiddie with my head in the clouds. Look at my feet and on what foundation I’m building on. I have what I have, and I don’t have what I don’t have. I can accept that and live contented. Sure I feel down sometimes. When I do feel down, I just take it as an opportunity to do a reality check!

With all the bitching I been hearing recently (including mine), I became amused by people (me included) who tend to ignore the obvious. The obvious is that we are still breathing! As long as there’s breath in me, things, situations, people, moods and the whole freaking world can and will change! That means that life is dynamic, not constant. That’s what makes up life. The unknown? Bring it on! The valleys? Bring it on! Coz then when I am on the mountaintop, I can recognise it and appreciate it more. It’s definitely not cliché when your friends or love ones beseech you to cheer up. They may not understand your troubles, but they understood that it may not last forever.

Cheerio!
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Monday, May 16, 2005

The Price of My Dignity

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Is there a price on your dignity? Would you give an arm or a leg just to be able to hold your head up high? Or you are born with a natural haughtiness of a peacock? Everyone works towards and wants to feel good about themselves. No matter how poor one person’s self-esteems is, he will aspire to feel better. Cultures mould us that no matter who we are, we are subjected to the views of the people around us. Thus our dignity is not based on how we feel about ourselves, but what we believed how people feel about us.

Why am I talking about dignity? Well…for a long time I was confronted with a decision to conform myself to purchase my dignity. I was born with incontinence. It’s a matter that bugged me for as long as I can remember. To simply put it, I once could not control my urinary function o.k.a bladder. For a long time I had a self-esteem of a filthy beggar plainly because I had to wear diapers. Trust me; you can’t possibly imagine the psychological trauma it caused me. Throughout my teen I was abused because of it. It didn’t get better when I found myself in love. Despite of it, she said she didn’t mind. Can you believe it? I lost that girl simply because my ego wouldn’t allow me to believe it. It was only since 2001 that a surgery was done to cosmetically rectify that. Immediately, I felt good about myself. But that surgery comes with a costly price. Till now I found myself frequent the hospital due to the side effects that the surgery causes. I consider it a price worth paying. Am I crazy? Tell me about it.

Many wouldn’t bat an eyelid to plunk gazillion dollars to buy themselves a new self. May it be the latest fashion to a simple yet expensive botox injection, but who are we kidding? What should one do then when they do not have the gazillions to buy themselves a new face? As I grow, I now recognized that it doesn’t really matter. My once wide eye response to people that said that “It’s not what’s on the outside, but what’s in the inside that matters” become too my response to people I counsel with low self-esteem. To accept who we are, as we are is quite a tall order. I reckon that even our mothers couldn’t do that. To say that the most confident people I am blessed to meet are narcissistic would be an unfair comment. Unlike the narcissistic, they recognised their flaws. What differs them from the crowd is how the respond to it.

We are who we are. And we are for a reason. That reason is personal and not transferable. To find that reason, I had to first find out who I am. To find out who I am means I have to look at the flaws together with the goodness. After one big circle, it dawn on me that all of it doesn’t actually matter! What matters is who I want to become. To love myself as how God created me gave me a sense of peace and strength. With it I dare to hold my head up high. Does that mean I don’t care a wink about anybody’s opinion? No! It just means that I’m at peace with myself, when I know my best is given and it is enough.

To the person I can become,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Get Up! Get Going!

"It is quite true what Philosophy says: that Life must be understood backwards. But that makes one forget the other saying: that it must be lived-forwards. The more one ponders this, the more it comes to mean that life in the temporal existence never becomes quite intelligible, precisely because at no moment can I find complete quiet to take the backward-looking position."
- Søren Kierkegaard

Dear Pxx,

It’s been great to be able to meet up with you after such a long time. After leaving you for home yesterday night, I felt for a short while the pain of your words. The part when you said that you hate the world. It reminded me of the same feelings I once had when I see injustice and unfairness dealt to me by the world due to my disabilities. For a long time I struggled with it on the edge of hopelessness and dejections. I too was bitter, judgmental and critical about everything and everyone surrounding me. But atlas it resulted in a hermitic lifestyle that is comparable to Oscar the Grouch of “Sesame Street.” I went into a yoyo depression bout with me convincing myself that I’m unlovable or is unworthy of love. I kept people at arms length and found no motivation in anything I’m doing. I doubted everyone’s motive and tore off anybody’s head that dare cross me. In the end, I became emotionally bankrupted and socially inept. I was the guy that nobody wants to be around with. A social misfit that felt the whole world owes him. What a miserable man I was!


Until I accept myself, together with the laws of life and nature, I don’t think I could survive pass my 24th birthday! BTW I’m 29 now. How did I dig myself out of this cycle? Am I out of this cycle? I’m not sure. But this I am sure, I’m willing to risk getting hurt again. That's when everything changes. I encourage you to take baby steps in letting go. Nothing is achieved over night. A journey of ten thousand miles begins with the willingness to take the first step. Open your life to people again. Chose to see the beauty of the world rather the ugly head it rears. Life is what we chose to see it. Pain is a by product that we have to accept. But with it many beauty comes, love, joy, peace, kindness, laughter, and etc. Perhaps I was blinded to those things before. Love is always there, I just once chose not to acknowledge it.

Many mentors came into my life and I resisted them. After they were gone, then I began to appreciate their wisdom. An old man once told me, “Resentment and bitterness is likening to drinking the poison yourself in hope that the party you resent dies.” How true! We are both people with emotions. It’s a gift. We just have to learn how to direct and control it. I had learned to see the good side of people. My lecturer once likens people to onions, the more you peel them the more you cry. With that thought I stop becoming a victim of circumstance and looked outward to see where I can minister instead of being ministered. I’m willing to help you. But are you willing to help yourself? Throw away baggages that burden you one by one. Commit to seeing lives with all the beauties it holds. Shit happens all the time. Just learn to live, to love and leave a legacy.

Hey…one more thing. Grow in Love, Don’t fall in love. Falling in love says to me is something don’t in the spur of passions that is hard to sustain. Build your life again. Be patient with yourself. And I will try to be there to help. But there will be a day that I must leave you. But I will try to be sure that you are able to stand on your own again. Break your walls. Live life to its fullest. It’s too short to bitch too much about.

Your friend,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Monday, May 9, 2005

Me & My Technicolor Cloak of Emotions…

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end up in doubts, but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.” – Sir Francis Bacon.

I received a funny yet disturbing comment about my emotions recently. It said of my emotions are liken to be worse then a stock market. Unpredictable and destructive. I took offence on it at first. But after some thought, I took it as a compliment. Can one really be too emotional? Yes… but not me. My emotions have helped me to live and taste life in its full flavour. So…have I gotten a grip? Hallelujah! I have! I love life, and will live it to the fullest. My critic yesterday passes this judgment with only one objective. It’s that I didn’t meet his objective. In many other words, I didn’t want what he wants, dream his dreams or focus on his goals. It was one heck of an emotionally charged meeting. Thus, like any meetings with such energy, the results became simple. It became a finger pointing, ranting, presumed intellectual exchange and voice raising, etc, etc event. In short, it made things worse and didn’t accomplish much. I’m glad I had that meeting though. It’s through this type of conversation that reveals a person’s true self. All gloves off. No punches reserved. With it I derive facts and become equipped with information that can help me make decisions. They are painful decisions; it requires me to take out my emotions. Hmm…enough said about that conversation.

I observed many people living through life with a heavy facade. It morphs into a repressive lifestyle. People then say what they don’t want to say, do what they don’t want to do and live a life they don’t want to live. I’m not advocating a “do what thy willed” lifestyle mind you. I’m just stating that expression wins repression hands down anytime. I love life. Its painful most of the time, but the flavor of it is not something people can impart or describe to you. There’s great risk in letting go and feel the whole gamut of emotions. You become vulnerable. It’s the price you pay. But heck, what you got to lose? Given the experiences of the many post-trauma counsellings I done, my objective was pure and simple. Let it go and move on!

Back to my critic, he said I couldn’t master my own emotions and it influenced people negatively. I agree with him partially. I liken emotions to be the same as physical pain. It’s trying to tell you something. I agree one should try to master his emotions and not the other way round. Taking further step back, I came to my critic’s perspective. I try to see what he saw and understood how he feels. I hope that conversation would be build on and wish him well in his endeavor. Life is a journey, find good soulmates to walk with you. As for my emotions…I’m still learning. Until then, I’ll celebrate life with the whole unadulterated spectrum of emotions. Just hope it doesn’t swing to far.

Unashamed…emotional pendulum
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

Thursday, May 5, 2005

Just a few simple reasons...


Why you should not use the handicapped TOILET!!!

Really would love to see my beloved Singapore learn this simple courtesy. Haiz...let me explain in point form ok?

1) Many disabled or even old people have serious bladder problems. Imagine when you really got to go and the only place you can go is occupied by somebody that can go in the bushes?? Give us our simple dignity please?

2) I for one need a toilet that is near sterile or clean. If not the risk of infection increases exponentially when every tom, dick, harry, mary, jane and sue dirtied it.

3) When more non-disabled use the handicapped toilet, the cleaner tends to keep it lock. It makes it so hard to hunt for the keys to unlock it when you are turning blue to go.

It goes too for the lift. Do step out and dun act blur when you see a wheelchair coming. Be gracious ok?

Almost Pleading,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S: You do not need to give up your seat on the MRT for me. Coz...i'm always sitting. :)

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Who am I really??

I am who I am by the grace of an eternal God, whose grace is not without effect. I am sensitive, sentimental, idealistic and a hopeless sucker for romanticism. Life has not been easy, but whose life is anyway? I was prompted to write many times. Embarked through a few writing projects but never saw any of them through completion. The reason mainly is that I have changed. My thoughts and perceptions of things changed. Thus, it was too hard to keep a blog that is consistent in its message. I like to write. Especially when I feel down & strike out. My life is quite exciting. I have my share of ups and downs, good friends, bad hair days. The usual package of life. Somehow, by writing this now… I realize I have something more to give to the world. By the way, I am a society labeled “physically impaired” a.k.a “disabled”. It doesn’t bother me very much now of what society wants to label me as (who am I kidding…it does bother me very much sometimes.) It bothers me more when my friends and my love ones are the ones that rub it in my face. A disability is only a matter of personal opinion. My disabilities shown me my weaknesses and proclaim God’s strengths. Perfection thus became only a destination that I will never be able to reach without the assistance of a perfect Guide. I have found my Guide, and He has found me. He chose to lead. I chose to follow (a choice that definitely warrants a fierce struggle).

This blog is not meant to religious, for I believe that I don’t have a religion but of a simple faith. I would like to venture into a pilgrimage into my inner self. To ponder upon the questions of the world and learn, in the process, mature. The world is in a state of much moaning and groaning. It is in a stage of labor pain where it is giving birth to something. (To what? Lets find out.) More people have realized their inadequacy and of how actually discontented they are inside. People hunger for more knowledge and are going around through trials and experiences that could fill that void. Are they looking at the correct place? Am I looking at the correct place? The void in each heart is getting more and more real each day, as they will find that none of the (“truths”) they found could fit in. Escapism will then set into their hearts as man hardens towards truth. Living with the aches in the heart will become more as a habit. Thus all skeletons will remain hidden in the closet and all dust swept under the rugs.

In this life, I will not venture to seek for much. If I were to seek, this then is what I seek:

A Heart of Love,
An Attitude of Humility,
A Lifestyle of Integrity.

I have found no faith in the promise of man much less a promise from myself. I found no faith in fame, power or in the materials gain, for it is temporal. I will not find faith in the world, as the gradual perversion of what is seems good is too much I can bear. Thus, I found this to be conclusive. I will be responsible for myself and of how I wish to live this life given to me. The changes have to start from me. Should it matter to me if the world twisted itself into destruction? Yes and No. Yes I can influence the world in a modest way, but no if I have yet influence or decide what should influence me. Life is given for all to experience. To experience love, joy, hope, peace, kindness, goodness, and on the other side of the coin is imprinted with hate, sorrow, despair, violence, selfishness and evil. Love will not exist or be known as love if hate didn’t exist. To experience joy we have to feel sorrow. As each man find and fulfill his personal destiny, he will have to come face to face with himself. His choice of whether to fight himself as his worst enemy or run away from it will decide the development of his soul. Maturity is a process; it is not an end destination. To sum up, I will press on towards what has been taken hold knowing clearly that I have not achieved perfection. I will seek to achieve the above as a maturing standard for my soul.

Pushing forward;
Michael G a.k.a WindyG

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

What is Spina Bifida?

Yo!

Born a person with disabilities as a Spina Bifida. Thought i should post something about it. For learning purpose yeah? Wouldn't mind knowing parents of kids with SB. Do email me if you need other reasources to help. :)

Born to ride!! On a wheelchair...
Michael a.k.a WindyG

What is Spina Bifida?

Spina bifida is the most frequently occurring permanently disabling birth defect. It affects approximately one out of every 1,000 newborns in the United States. More children have spina bifida than have muscular dystrophy, multiple sclerosis, and cystic fibrosis combined.

Spina bifida, the most common neural tube defect (NTD), is one of the most devastating of all birth defects. It results from the failure of the spine to close properly during the first month of pregnancy. In severe cases, the spinal cord protrudes through the back and may be covered by skin or a thin membrane. Surgery to close a newborn's back is generally performed within 24 hours after birth to minimize the risk of infection and to preserve existing function in the spinal cord.

Because of the paralysis resulting from the damage to the spinal cord, people born with spina bifida may need surgeries and other extensive medical care. The condition can also cause bowel and bladder complications. A large percentage of children born with spina bifida also have hydrocephalus, the accumulation of fluid in the brain. Hydrocephalus is controlled by a surgical procedure called "shunting" which relieves the fluid build up in the brain by redirecting it into the abdominal area. Most children born with spina bifida live well into adulthood as a result of today's sophisticated medical techniques.

What about the physical limitations?

Children with spina bifida need to learn mobility skills, and often with the use of crutches, braces, or wheelchairs can achieve more independence. Also, with new techniques children can become independent in managing their bowel and bladder problems. Physical disabilities like spina bifida can have profound effects on the child's emotional and social development. It is important that health care professionals, teachers, and parents understand the child's physical capabilities and limitations. To promote personal growth, they should encourage children (within the limits of safety and health) to be independent, to participate in activities with their non-disabled peers and to assume responsibility for their own care.

Preventing Spina Bifida

Recent studies have shown that one factor that increases the risk of having an NTD baby is low folic acid status before conception and during the first few weeks of pregnancy. If all women of childbearing age were to consume 0.4 mg of folic acid prior to becoming pregnant and during the first trimester of pregnancy, the incidence of folic acid preventable spina bifida and anencephaly could be reduced by up to 75%!!

What is Folic Acid?

Folic acid, a common water-soluble B vitamin, is essential for the functioning of the human body. During periods of rapid growth, such as pregnancy and fetal development, the body's requirement for this vitamin increases. Folic acid can be found in multivitamins, fortified breakfast cereals, dark green leafy vegetables such as broccoli and spinach, egg yolks, and some fruits and fruit juices. However, the average American diet does not supply the recommended level of folic acid.

Types Of Spina Bifida

Spina Bifida Occulta

This is a mild form of spina bifida which is very common. Estimates vary but between 5% and 10% of people may have spina bifida occulta. It must be emphasised that, for the vast majority of those affected, having spina bifida occulta is of no consequence whatsoever. Often people only become aware that they have spina bifida occulta after having a back x-ray for an unrelated problem. However, for a few (about 1 in 1,000) there can be associated problems.

Why do some people have complications?

The term 'spina bifida occulta' is, in fact, not one but two separate conditions which have completely different consequences. This leads to confusion when such a diagnosis is used without qualification.

For the majority of people with spina bifida occulta it is a minor fault involving one vertebra in the lower back. The unfortunate use of this term for such a minor fault can lead to distress for the person concerned. However, it should be considered as insignificant, both for that person and his or her children.

For a small number of people with spina bifida occulta the fault is more extensive. Either the split in the spine is bigger, or may involve two or more vertebrae. There may be visible signs on the skin such as a mole or naevus (birthmark), a dimple or sinus (hole), or a patch of hair. This type of spina bifida occulta is significant.

There may be associated difficulties which may include the following: foot deformity, weakness and reduced sensation of the legs, change in hand function, bladder infections and incontinence and bowel problems.

These problems arise because the spinal cord becomes tethered to the backbone. Often a child who is previously symptomless may experience difficulties during the rapid growth of adolescence. This is because the nerves of the spinal cord are stretched and the symptoms may become progressively worse.

It is important to consult a GP, who, if appropriate, can refer to a neurosurgeon. Specialist scanning procedures such as MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) give a clear picture of the nerves and spinal column and the neurologist will be able to advise on the most appropriate treatment.

People with spina bifida occulta and progressive (worsening) symptoms of a stretched or tethered spinal cord need to have an operation on their lower spine to release the tension in the spinal cord. This is often a fairly simple and effective procedure, but occasionally the operation is very complicated and involves a (2% - 5%) risk of failure. It is often possible to improve symptoms in the legs with this operation, but it is rare for bladder function to return to normal. The main purpose of a "detethering operation" is to stop any further deterioration in leg or bladder function and it is important that a neurosurgical assessment is made as early as possible after the onset of symptoms. The operation is probably best done by those neurosurgeons who have a special interest in the condition.

What are the implications?

For the vast majority of people with the non-significant form of spina bifida occulta there are no known complications and there is no higher risk of having children with spina bifida than there is in the general population.

For those with the more complicated spina bifida occulta, there may be neurological problems which may or may not be present at birth and may be progressive. Those with significant spina bifida occulta have a higher risk, than the general population, of having children with spina bifida which could be cystica or occulta. This risk is between 2% and 4% and is the same risk that those with with spina bifida cystica have of passing on the disability.

However, the risk of having a baby with spina bifida can be dramatically reduced by taking folic acid (a B-group vitamin).

More information and advice

If someone suspects that they have occult spina bifida and is experiencing any of the problems described above, they should ask their GP for referral to a neurologist who can investigate and advise about treatment.

Women who know they have spina bifida occulta and are planning to have a baby can ask for a referral to a genetic who will consider both the family history and individual medical circumstances and advise on the risk of having a baby with spina bifida.

Spina Bifida Cystica (cyst-like)

The visible signs are a sac or cyst, rather like a large blister on the back, covered by a thin layer of skin.

There are two forms:
Meningocele

In this form, the sac contains tissues which cover the spinal cord (meninges) and cerebro-spinal fluid. This fluid bathes and protects the brain and spinal cord. The nerves are not usually badly damaged and are able to function, therefore there is often little disability present. This is the least common form.

Myelomeningocele (meningomyelocele)

This is the commoner of the two meningoceles and also the most serious. Here the sac or cyst not only contains tissue and cerebro-spinal fluid but also nerves and part of the spinal cord. The spinal cord is damaged or not properly developed. As a result, there is always some degree of paralysis and loss of sensation below the damaged vertebrae. The amount of disability depends very much on where the spina bifida is and the amount of nerve damage involved. Many children and adults with this condition experience problems with bowel and bladder control.

Cranium Bifida

Here the bones of the skull fail to develop properly. The sac which forms is known as encephalocele. It may contain tissue and cerebro-spinal fluid only. However, in some cases, part of the brain may also be present in the sac resulting in brain damage. The most severe forms of cranium bifida are iniencephaly and anencephaly. Here, the brain does not develop properly or is absent, and the baby is either stillborn or dies shortly after birth. Most babies born with spina bifida also have hydrocephalus (from the Greek hydro = water, cephalie = brain).

What is Hydrocephalus?

Hydrocephalus is commonly known as 'water on the brain', although this is not accurate. A watery fluid, known as cerebro-spinal fluid (or CSF, for short), is produced constantly inside each of the four spaces or ventricles inside the brain. The CSF normally flows through narrow pathways from one ventricle to the next, then out over the outside of the brain and down the spinal cord. The CSF is absorbed into the bloodstream and the amount and pressure are normally kept within a fairly narrow range. If the drainage pathways are obstructed at any point, the fluid accumulates in the ventricles inside the brain, causing them to swell - resulting in compression of surrounding tissue. In babies and infants, the head will enlarge. In older children and adults, the head size cannot increase as the bones which form the skull are completely joined together.

The majority of babies born with spina bifida have hydrocephalus. In addition to the lesion in the spinal cord, there are abnormalities in the physical structure of certain parts of the brain which develop before birth. This prevents proper drainage of the CSF. The increase in pressure due to this can also compress the abnormal parts of the brain even further.

How is Hydrocephalus Treated?

Some forms of hydrocephalus require no specific treatment. Other forms are temporary and do not require long-term treatment. However, most forms do require to be treated, and this is usually done surgically. Drugs have been used for many years but they may have unpleasant side effects and are not always successful.

The usual treatment is to insert a shunting device. It is important to note that this does not 'cure' the hydrocephalus and damage to the brain tissue remains. Shunting controls the pressure by draining excess CSF, so preventing the condition becoming worse. Symptoms caused by raised pressure usually improve but other problems of brain damage can remain. Increasingly an operation called Third Ventriculostomy is being performed in specialist units.

What is a Shunt?

A shunt is simply a drain which diverts the accumulated CSF from the obstructed pathways and returns it to the bloodstream. The device consists of a system of tubes with a valve to control the rate of drainage and prevent back-flow. It is inserted surgically so that the upper end is in a ventricle of the brain and the lower end leads either into the heart (ventriculo-atrial) or into the abdomen (ventriculo-peritoneal). The device is completely enclosed so that all of it is inside the body. The fluid which is drained into the abdomen passes from there into the bloodstream.

Other drainage sites such as the outer lining of the lungs (ventriculo-pleural shunt) can also be used. In most cases, the shunts are intended to stay in place for life, though alterations or revisions might become necessary from time to time.

Are there any complications?

Complications are usually caused either by blockage of the system or infection. They are only occasionally due to mechanical failure of the valve. The tube or catheter may become too short as the individual grows and an operation to lengthen it might be necessary.

Symptoms vary enormously between individuals and it is unwise to rely on a list which might not apply in any particular instance. Previous personal experience of a shunt problem is usually a reliable guide as to what to look for.

Shunt Blockage

Symptoms usually develop gradually. In some cases, it shows itself in a gradual deterioration in overall performance. Occasionally, symptoms are quite suddenly severe and may include headaches and vomiting. Various tests can be carried out to confirm the diagnosis. Medical advice should be sought urgently if a shunt blockage is suspected.

Shunt Infection

Symptoms vary with the route of drainage. In ventriculo-peritoneal shunts, the symptoms will often resemble those of a blockage. This is because the shunt becomes infected and the lower catheter is very often sealed off by tissue. There may be accompanying fever and abdominal pain or discomfort. In infection of ventriculo-atrial shunts, fever is present in most cases though often intermittently. Anaemia is frequently present, sometimes skin rashes along with joint pains.

In contrast to ventriculo-peritoneal shunts, such infections sometimes do not become apparent for months after the operation at which they were contracted.

Various tests can be carried out for shunt infection and medical advice should always be sought if an infection is suspected.

How are shunt problems treated?

Shunt blockages which are causing illness usually require an operation to replace or adjust the offending part of the shunt. Shunt infections are usually treated by removal of the whole shunt and a course of antibiotics before insertion of a new system. Modern approaches to antibiotic therapy mean that such treatment can be expected to succeed in most cases.

Sunday, May 1, 2005

Do you have the time?

If yes, how much you believe you have? With it, where would you spend it on? I observed that while many would have a thing or two to contribute to the philosophy of a good time management book, too little do what they know. Maybe someone had asked you about what would you do, should you come to realize you only have 24 hours left to live. Cliché isn’t it? I would prefer to ask you what you love doing the most and which it brings you positive satisfaction. Positive satisfaction? I believe there are things we love doing and yet it brings us negative consequences. You want examples? Hmm...having that last scoop of ice cream, last hour on the tv, bet on the blackjack, fling, puff, drink, need I go on?? Don’t worry, I’m no better too. But would you join me in trying harder?

As much as the 24 hours is given to great men of history, its also blessed to you. What differs not in the hours but perhaps the numbers of days or years. Hey…cheerio. Don’t get fatalistic yah? Though I believe I have not many years left, this realization swung me on two ends of a rope at different time of my life. On one end, I would be pro-active and be a go-getter. On the other, I became a pathetic depressive and fatalistic idiot. Finding myself swing like a out of control knock-about doll, it force me to resolute to chose only one end and make a strong stand. Which one do you think I would chose? With my ambitions and dreams, I now find life too painfully short. Compare to someone without hopes and dreams, it is miserably long.

We all have heard or read stories on the cancer stricken begging for one more second or the suicidal that would give up all in a second. What differs them? Only one… their hopes. We all invest our time into our hopes. Just how strong and desirable is your hopes? How much time would you invest in it? Teach me…

Not enough time,
Michael G a.k.a WindyG