Bulls**t From Bulls**t Friends Equal A Life Filled With *Bulls**t (hereafter known as "BS").

Among my friends and close ones, I doubt you would find any that would describe me as a man of patience. I do not know what is delayed gratification and would quickly lose interest in things when they don't give me the "instant" results I want. If I could pay my way to get it, I most probably would. Also, the technology that I wish that would be invented now would probably be teleportation. Perhaps thats why nowadays I don't take the train to work anymore. This is also why I could start so many things simultaneously, get bored and not finish what I started.

Same thing goes for my friends (or ex-friends). I have little patience for BS and once they maxed out on my BS tolerance, they become ex-friends. Among my FB friends that I asked around, I am sure I have the most blocked people in my FB account (last I count is 58). That said, I still keep to a 3 strikes rule. BS me three times and they are out. Permanently!!! Thankfully however, my definition of BS is rather narrow and simple. Don't drain my already low emotional capital or add unnecessary stresses into my already very stressed-out life.

However, to make up for my low tolerance for BS, I am a rather generous friend. I would consciously give more than I take, not take without giving first and make sure I do not give with the expectation of the other party giving me something back. BUT!!! I am extraordinarily (and extremely) pissed off when the person take what I have given for granted boldly, treat what I have given as something they are entitled to (and not as a appreciated privilege) OR give total BS in return. This type of "friend" fortunately still enjoy my 3 strikes rule and I make sure they know when they get to strike 1, 2, 3 and when they are OUT! Also fortunately, there are people in my life that get a lifetime "get out of jail" card from me. They are the people who I do not apply the 3 strikes rule to. Primarily they are my immediate family, my business partner, my "future" spouse and also friends that make extreme effort to NOT even get a strike 1 (if they do, I still let it slide as I could see their extreme effort).

Let me stop here and apologise here for my fuming ranting. It has been on my mind these few days and I feel I have to let it out before I self-destruct. What happened was that I have just "blocked" someone out of my life (and FB) again and I was struggling over what to do after that person hit strike 3. I knew deep down if I just let it go again this time, I would suffer again as I am sure this person would keep striking out intentionally and drain the life out of me. I also know that it would not be good for this person if I allowed her to keep striking out with me as I think that would be like telling her it its okay to abuse this friendship. In the end, we will both just end up worse off and have a friendship that is not mutually uplifting but just degenerating/draining each other.

I also concluded that our "friendship" only amount to that "much". And that it ain't worth much to either of us to keep it going or protect it from breaking down. The Chinese people believe that we become who we mix with rather than the western belief of "birds of a feather (originally and already alike) flock together". Thus. I am sure that I have no power nor will to influence her and definitely do not want her to influence me or let her screw up my mind and cause me sleepless nights. Sad as it may sound, I actually find it extremely beneficial to spring clean my FB's friends list and disassociate myself with people that keep on attempting to drag me through sh*t. In the end, I concluded that my list should only consist of people that either I could contribute meaningfully into their life or that they could contribute minimally to mine. At the very least, we should not be trampling all over each other's lives.

Life is hard (and short). If the company we keep is not edifying, it serves no meaningful purpose and at the end of such "fellowships", we walk away none the better or became worse off than before. I now begin to understand what the Bible said (though not fully yet) about being unequally yoked. Do not misunderstand that I cut off these people with bitterness or hate. I could and I did forgave them for the BS they thrown into my life. I would also forget what they have done AND on top of it all, forget them totally. As if that they were never in my life.

Maybe you may say that I am a man of extreme. But I believe extreme times require extreme actions or it would be extremely impossible to live a life of extreme fruitfulness. Do not think my way should be yours or your way should be mine. Just think for yourself and ask these questions. Why am I remaining in a abusive relationship that just spiral into a pit with no bottom? Is there a sliver of possibility to stop the spiral and push each other up instead? Would the other party be willing to work with me on this possibility no matter how small? Further down the road, can I confidently say that I am glad to know him/her as a friend? And last but never the least, am I a friend that lift my friends up or pull them down to the pits of sh*t with me?

Answer these questions truthfully, also make sure you do seek guidance from God and people of wisdom that God put into your life. Thereafter, I am very sure you would be on a path of building meaningful friendships that would move you to fulfil your full potential.

P.S: Please do not re-share this post or engage me in a debate hereafter. It is after all my post which I have already limited it to selected friends (already excluded the oversensitive ones who may think I am talking about them). If you do not agree with me, let's just agree to disagree. With this I also end with a sincere wish that you have friendships that mutually cheer on each other in an already difficult life. Cheerios & God Bless~!

My Pursuit of Happyness

From many I heard saying happiness is based on circumstances but joy is an attitude. It is really hard for me to visualize this concept. My imagination led me to some SM fetishes where the sufferings are rejoicing in whiplashes and bondage. That aside, how much can real happiness (幸福) cost if it can be packaged and sold? You tell me. Can we afford to not have it? No. We can’t. Though happiness is what we feel towards specific “happy” events in our lives, this feeling can be altered based on our values and beliefs. One man’s meat is another poison. There isn’t a universal life event that all can be happy in. Even in the birth of a new life or the end of an old life. Some can be happy in what is supposed to be a sad occasion (the death of a life: murderer) and sad in what is supposed to be a happy occasion (the birth of a life: born out of wedlock).

I lived half of my life in misery. Hope was a luxury I didn’t buy. Misery love company. The more I convince myself that the whole world is against me, the more I “enjoyed” the cesspool I put myself in. I could have been Oscar the Grouch’s grandfather. I hated my body. I hated what I cannot do. I hate everything left, right and center. Until… I fell in love. This then became the time where even the ugly look beautiful to me. There is a spring in my steps and a silly grin that can’t be wiped off. Unfortunately, this did not last. The higher I flew into the love trap, the harder I fell back into reality. Bitterness, angst and despairs came back ten times stronger. With this violent swing, I slowly picked through the pieces of my brokenness and found peace. Well… sort of peace. I realized that I could choose what I want to feel.

To choose my feelings initially seem like an impossible feat. Feelings like pain are there to warn us of danger. When hurt in an abusive relationship, our feelings tells us to either fight of flee. In happiness, we get a rush or warm feeling that pushes us to keep going at what is making us happy. The pleasure and pain centers in our brains are very close together though. Thus, there are those that remain in abusive relationships (denial) or are deriving “pleasures” from pain (masochistic). Though entering into denial is part of our self-defense, protecting the body from going into shock, remaining in it could bring far worse consequences. In Kübler-Ross model, the final stage to end up in is acceptance. To correctly chose the appropriate feelings in responding to various circumstances require me to actively seek different viewpoints and also to learn to call a “spade” a spade (which to me still mean acceptance of the truth).

No matter how many times you are hurt, believe the gloom will part for clear skies. And when you are in bliss, remember it and enjoy it to the fullest. May you always stay happy and Happy Holidays!

*Wink.
MGFX1975 aka WindyG

Fame Pressures

Being remembered easily or being famous isn't really a good thing. Your life is laid under a microscope, with people waiting to see you laugh, cry, rise or fall. Being disabled also bring such problems, though on a much lesser level compared with famous actors or actresses. We are put on two extreme sides, either on the 'to be pitied' side (looked upon as needy) or on the 'to be admired' side (inspiring awe with what we can do with so little that we have). I really don't really like any of these sides. I would rather be looked upon as 'normal', neither to be admired or pitied and thus be allowed to laugh, cry, rise and fall at my own will.

Recently, a Taiwanese drama "闪亮的日子" strike a raw nerve in me. In one of the story, there is this man (more like a boy) 小林光輔 (李志峰) with a brain tumor finding love and not pity. Well, he found it (cause it a telly! Happen in cartoons and fairytales too), and I do doubt it would really happen if it is in real life (me = sour grapes). Anyway, my fascination was focus on the girl（陈玉婷）acted by a candy sweet girl 李佳豫 aka 小豫兒 that love him despite his 'pending' demise (Crap, he didn't die in the end. So soapy...). She didn't know about his brain tumor when she fell in love with him. Which I believe the result would be the opposite if the tumor is on his face instead! Call me pessimist. Love is about face value and looks. It is wired into our human nature, adhering the laws of attraction, ensuring we procreate and pass on the good genes. Good looks with good looks, average with average and fugly with fugly. Ok, before anyone starts to throw stones at me I must make this disclaimer. Yes! Not all will look at looks. (Duh...Still majority does.) :P

Fame can be achieved based on looks. You either become famous because you (not me) are butt ugly/fugly (less likely, but cue W***y C***g aka Xia**e please) or drop dead gorgeous/beautiful and cute like candy. Well, in my case, I stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd. So now, we have peer pressures, society pressures, work pressures and family pressures. So do you really need fame pressures??

Once upon a time, a documentary was made about me and my work with youths. OMG! I so regretted it after it run on prime time. Strangers approach and says: "Hey! Aren't you the dorky disabled counsellor on telly?" (I added the dorky part on request.) I was scared silly as I became a "role model" overnight. Which I can assure you I'm no saint. I laid low, dig my nose in private and don't fart if there is someone downwind. After some time, the temporal fame wears itself out. Until some id**t thinks there's nothing good on telly and rerun the darn documentary again. So here we go again.

STOP!!! Wait!!! This post is not about me. It is about those that are famous (rather pitiful people at times) and those wannabes (please do reconsider). Not many can handle the limelight well. There are the many "Marilyn Monroe"s, "Michael Jackson"s and "Leslie Cheung"s out there. To handle such fame pressures, once must be able to remain level headed and not get too carried away. With fame, one have to endure a bombardment of rumors, lies, gossips, false friends, loneliness, temptations, fatigue, anxiety, paranoia, insecurity and maybe a burn out from lighting the candle at both ends. Of course not all is gloom and doom. Many famous people that handle their fame well went on to do great things after their retirement from the limelight. They clearly understand their responsibilities and acknowledge the eyes that look upon them. They are matured and exercise strong self-controlled, drawing strength from giving instead of taking. At the end of their rainbows, they rest knowing they did well, fought a good fight and have fulfilled their fullest potential.

I shall leave you with a quote below to chew on.

“What is fame? The advantage of being known by people of whom you yourself know nothing, and for whom you care as little.” Lord Byron (English Romantic poet and satirist, 1788-1824)

高处不胜寒。

Cheerios! :)
WindyG o.k.a Michael Kuan

A small update.

Want to know what is going on in my postively exciting life?
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What Is In A Man?

It is once said to me; "You are a male by birth but a man only by choice". Many things makes a man a man. He is perceived mainly by his character and deeds. However, what it meant being manly in character and manly in deeds sometimes is open to subjective interpretations. In the course of my life I have pondered on many issues, but the summary of all things pondered is simply how to be a better person and live a fuller life.

Hello, and welcome. If you are visiting my blog for the first time, I am Michael Kuan. If you are back after a long time, apologies for staying silent for so long, there were many distractions that hindered me from posting.

Back to my initial question. What makes a man truly a man? Is it his chivalry or his resolution to stay noble? Is faithfulness and steadfastness to his responsibilities a pre-requisite? Or is it all of the above and plus more, many many more? Every individual is responsible to carve out his or her own destiny. We have to make sense of a gamut of unsolicited information and digest highly sought after opinions. What is the left for us to do is simply to decide and act on what we make out of them.

Here lies my problem, I cannot seem to make up my mind clearly what I am getting out of the words of "wise sages". The choices I have to make from the good and bad teachings not only would decide if I would reach by first objective (to become a better person) but also directly affect my love ones and friends. Thus, what I may consider to be a manly attribute must stand up to the accountability of consequences by my peers and even the society at large.

Have said much about nothing and everything a man should or should not be, I came to arrive at a really simple conclusion. That is a man is a man by the choices he makes. And when you see one, you know him immediately.

Sent from my iPhone

Not now or tomorrow

Delay gratification. Quite an unfamiliar phrase known only by a few. If you like desserts and would eat it before your main course or anything else, you are at risk of getting into trouble when you make decisions. I love to write. I haven't got much chance to write this couple of months. Been writing drips and drapes on my PDA, but couldn't really put together a full post. Something of more importance replaced it. When it is of more importance, it doesn't necessary means it is something I like to do more over writing. It just meant it’s more important, nothing else.

Living in fast-paced society, it’s hard to differentiate the ''must haves" and the "good to have" as the line blur. Especially hard when you live in Singapore, surrounded by the "instant noodle" generation and being consistently bombarded with temptations that promise a "better life", that's when you buy whatever they are selling "to give you that life'' of course. To wait is thought to be only a choice for the poor, where the rich can afford that premium express service. On the contrary, I have met very wealthy people that really know that the best is worth waiting for and is extraordinarily patient.

Life is short, but it mustn't be used as an excuse for being impatient. To set aside our wants and take care of more urgent needs require a will of steel. When time and resources realistically allow, your wants gratified would become even sweeter. Believe me; the best is worth the wait.

I was nagging myself for almost 2 years to get a new wheelchair. I wanted it very badly as my current one is veering to the left all the time, making it excruciatingly hard to push. Sadly, I wasn't financially sound to buy it. (It cost around USD$6,000 then). Now, I am only days away from my throne on wheels. (It’s delayed for the second week). I am really excited over it and is relieved that I didn't have to skip meals to get it. I remembered it, delayed it and slowly worked for it. That's what made owning it now sweeter.

I always love telling my story of how a 10 years old girl taught me the greatest lesson about life. It was about 10 years ago, when I was still a youth counselor.

I was conducting a group session with a bunch of youths where I asked them what they think being matured is about. Each gave me very expected answers. Some says is about being successful, while some says it’s about being considerate to others. They were all quite right. Then it came to Aishah's turn to speak. What she said then made the other kids fell silent thereafter and into deep thoughts. Do bear in mind that the following words came from a little girl that was only ten years old.

She said: "Being matured is about doing what is good, for others and yourself, even when you don't want to do."

After the session, I took her aside and asked about her answer. She is the daughter of a widowed mum with two other younger siblings. Her mother worked three jobs in a week, two on weekdays and one over the weekends. She shared with teary eyes of how much she had wanted to ask her mum to buy her an electronic pet toy. (a Tamagouchi that cost around twenty dollars then.) All her friends have it and she felt left out when she doesn’t have one. She was sure that if she asked of it from her mother, she would be able to get it. However, she said she stopped herself from asking as she knows that her mum will skip lunch for two days so as to afford it. She mustered whatever will a young girl of 10 would have and zipped up her mouth real tight.

Ten years later, she is now in NUS studying law on government scholarship. Her mum is beaming with pride of how far she has come. Last I met her mum, she was filled with gratitude and keep thanking me for how I have helped her. She was wrong. Aishah helped herself and has helped me more than she will ever know.

As I shared with her mother the conversation I had with her daughter ten years ago, she cried and felt she had deprived her beloved child of a happy childhood. I beg to differ. With her circumstances, Aishah learned that she is in charge of her own life. By being able to deny her flesh and be matured with wisdom beyond her age, she learned that she will reap what she has sown. That she can bear that moment of discomfort and taste the sweet fruits of her hard labor thereafter.

Now as I see my nephews and niece growing up, I am burden with an urgency to teach them resilience in adversities is not only about enduring hardships, but also about saying NO to a moment of pleasure that could lead to a life of regrets.

There are many ironies in life. I learned that to have the object of my desire is to not want it immediately, but work for it with a strong sense of responsibility. My attachment to the materials of life is only temporal, so it is always wise not to get too attached to it. It is not wrong to desire. It becomes very wrong when it turns into obsessions and when we allow irrationality to take over.

The ability to deny and delay the flesh is what I found it to be one of the pillars of successful men and women. They know that who they are today is plainly because of what they have done yesterday. And what they will be tomorrow is decided by what they do today.

I pray that many will come to know of this and help each other towards it. I hope too that there will come a day when advertisements are created to appeal to the mind of the wise and not the weakness of the heart.

Slowly, but surely.
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

A Deadly Combination

Haven't been blogging for a long time. My mind could not accommodate anything else but work. Not a very good thing. Much has happened since my last post, so allow me to post a fast update for my own remembrance on this chapter in my life.

Just had a mini-operation for hernia. Still darn painful after removing the stitches yesterday.

Business is getting better, but still frustrated about how things are running in the office. (Must keep things simple and keep my eye on the ball.)

Got in and out of a bad relationship with a Filipino nurse. (What the hell was I thinking!!??)

Paid the deposit for my new wheels (chair). Its a titanium one!! (Can't wait to get my butt on it. Gonna mod it like a mad man also.) Look out for some pictures of it in my post next week.

Anyway, some things have been bugging me like mad lately. It happen less often now as I was too busy to let anything bug me. I started going for counseling sessions when a fellow counselor was so kind to offer his help in breaking the gates that could be holding me back on my future growth. Going to see him again on Thursday. (Really looking forward to it.) Talking to him have help me realize a lot of things about myself. It also open floodgate of emotions that I never knew it was there. (Well...maybe I knew it was there, but could not really put a finger on it.) I somehow knew what I need to change in my life and was going at it like a bulldozer. Sadly, some of the results are less than desirable. However, I don't seem to regret doing things the way I did. I knew that if I had not, the results will be far more less desirable.

I am a man of extreme that is fighting hard to find the balance that I yearn for. Life to me is very much black and white without much ambiguity. You are or you are not. No in between. When we think we are moderately balanced, we are simply choosing to respond in two extremes in different situations. The challenge is in knowing and using the correct extreme in a timely manner and in an appropriate situation.

My beef today is about a deadly combination that I have observed recently in the people I been meeting. Its a combination of two traits that makes a personality repulsive. I may sound harsh or even judgmental in my choice of words, but it is only fair to say that I have discern these traits not to condemn but to learn of life and how I should live it well. The two combining personality that is to be found in a person that ensure his early spiritual and mental demise are Pride and Sloth. Sure we are sometimes proud and lazy, but when we go to the extreme or stay at it, we are better off not living (I like to say dead, but then again, why not?) /dead.

For every living breathing being, there is a destiny that awaits him to take hold of. When he choose not spur himself towards it because he thinks he deserves better and feels that it should come to him instead is being ridiculously naive and idiotic. My beef with these personalities are when they ask of me to pick up their sh*t after them. Would you not be pi**ed?

Their lives on this path are peppered with critical remarks, skeptical faith and cynical sarcasms. They would find no fault of their own but blame anyone or anything for their miserable state of life. I cannot understand how or what or why they are thinking! Their destinies thus become a lesson for others of what not to become. The more I observe of them, the more I learn about how I should respond to setbacks, failures or discouragement. Which is not to become proud and not give up trying again. Proud and lazy people simply chose the easy way out. They reason that its not worth trying anymore. They strongly believe, if they can't, nobody else can. Ooohh I so like to prove them wrong.

Well...much more can be learn of them and even from ourselves when we tether on the edge of pride and sloth. I am learning to catch myself before I go over that edge and I encourage you to do so too. If anyone were to catch me before I catch myself, you are allowed to call me a proud lazy pig. BTW, give me a kick on the arse while you're at it ok?

Anyway...GTG. Pain meds are making me drowsy. Will catch you soon.

Tata..

Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

P.S: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming.

For Want of a Horseshoe Nail.

Hihi,

Been very busy like a bumblebee. So will update you guys and gals later. Just want to post this for my own sake. Hope you can get something out of it too.

:)

Michael Kuan

The value and importance of patience and attention to details has been illustrated for years in James Baldwin’s wonderful story, “For Want of a Horseshoe Nail.” The famous legend and rhyme regarding the defeat and death of King Richard III, was immortalized by William Shakespeare’s unforgettable line: “A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!”

The lesson for leaders everywhere lies in King Richard’s impatience and his groom’s failure to details. Preparing to engage an army led by Henry, Earl of Richmond, that would determine who would rule England, King Richard III, sent his groom to prepare his favorite horse.

“Shoe the King’s horse quickly,” the groom instructed the blacksmith. “You’ll have to wait…I’ve got to get more iron,” the blacksmith answered. Failing to listen, the groom shouted impatiently, “I can’t wait …make do with what you have.”

So the blacksmith bent to his task and from a bar of iron he made four horseshoes. When he began to nail them on, he discovered he did not have enough nails to nail the fourth shoe. “I need one or two more nails and it will take some time to hammer them out,” he said.

“I told you I can’t wait,” the groom responded impatiently. “I hear the trumpets now. Can’t you just use what you have?” “Yes, but I can’t be certain it will hold,” answered the blacksmith. “Well then, just nail it on,” the groom shouted. “And hurry or King Richard will be angry with us both.”

And thus, in the thick of the Battle of Bosworth Field in 1485, as King Richard’s horse lost a shoe and the battle was lost, history gained a lesson in taking meaningful action. As children everywhere have heard:

“For want of a nail, a shoe was lost,
for want of a shoe, a horse was lost,
for want of a horse, a battle was lost,
for want of a battle, a kingdom was lost.

And, we might add, for want of only a few, history was altered. For as Leo Tolstoy so wisely stated in his epic historical novel War and Peace,
“The strongest of all warriors are these two─Time and Patience.”

Thus, the important lesson for all leaders inclined to practice and pursue perfection of listening patience, lies in the irrefutable wisdom of Francis Quarles expressed 400 years ago,

“My soul, sit thou a patient looker-on; Judge not the play before the play is done: Her plot hath many changes; every day Speaks a new scene; the last act crowns the play.”

I have to stop killing myself.

I seriously think I have to stop before I really do. A friend commented over lunch that I am not very responsible when it comes to matters of my health. I agree with her. I not much of a control freak over the things I put into my mouth. I figure that I'm gonna die sooner or later so why deprive myself of my taste palate wants? I would refrain from actions and activities that would put harm into anyone else's life. But when only mine is at stake, I pretty don't care much. Idiotic huh? I thought so too. But aren't we all? My thoughts are that if I have any murderous tendencies, they are only to be directed to myself or to any inanimated objects (that are mine, as to prevent myself from commiting vandalism). If we all could really think that way huh? Here where the irony starts. For the name of self-preservation (or self-interests), man invented the excuse for destruction. For taking peoples lives. For preventing the loss of other lives that matter to them, which in many cases they wouldn't care much if those lives matter to somebody else. Thus, birth war.




Atomic Bomb Explosions Compilation - video powered by Metacafe

The phrase "digging our own graves" seems so apt and alive today. The media promote the get/do/see/live it now mentality. It emphasize instant gratification in sacrifice of greater good. The pathetic thing is, I'm falling for it! Consequences and reaping what I have sowed at times get no attention. I become a rambling idiot that "Lived for the moment" instead of "Seizing the Day". I feel so much like a sucker. Being led by the nose and my attempts to blend with the wall paper actually seems hard. To some its natural.

Oh..something else here too. I'm killing love. I have been keeping people at arms length lately. Especially lady friends. I don't think I would ever get married. So why put myself through such misery? Don't get me wrong. I want very much to get marry and to love! Then again...I so don't want it. Idiotic huh? Sigh...you wouldn't understand. The paradoxes that exist in life are idiotic. So my heart and mind continue the never ending Silent Rage. There are outcomes sometime. There aren't any sometimes too. What really matter, the Rage must go on. I won't and refuse to run away from it. I will let it shape and mould me. At the end of it all, I want to love the result of the rage. I want to love me. So I'll stop killing myself. Slowly, I'll learn. Then through it, I'll grow stronger.

Ain't Sucidial,
Michael Kuan a.k.a WindyG

A Trainer's Dilemma

The Pot of Gold.

Ten people I told of a pot of gold,
Buried under the roots of an old oak tree.
Nine wonder how it would be nice,
For such gold be good for their pathetic lives.

Eight plot to make others dig,
And take the gold without lifting a pick.
Seven too seek the best time to go,
And making sure that nobody knows.

Six got ready with all equip,
But stay distracted with bones to pick.
Five wanted to sleep a little more,
Feeling comfy yet claim they are sore.

Four earn silver from dishonest trade,
Then lamented its all that they hate.
Three forgotten that they're told,
Of gold given by the wise and old.

Two weep with much bitter protest,
That someone made their life a mess.
Finally only One stood tall and went,
And dug up the gold with his own bare hands.

by WindyG a.k.a Michael Kuan